Frustrated beyond frustrated

WARNING.....A rant is about to unfold


According to the Dave Thomas foundation there are more than 150,000 children waiting for adoption in the American foster care system. The average wait time for a child to get into a permanent family is 42 months...that is over 3 years. That is a long time in the 18 years that we give a child to be love nurtured, taught morals and standards, and how to be a loving functioning person in our society. This is not including the time they spent with the dysfunctional families of origin. Now we see lots of media to promote adoption and the waiting children. Just do an Internet search and you will get multiple hits on the waiting children. It breaks my heart, I see the faces and look into the eyes that wait. They wait for a loving state approved licensed adoptive family to fall in love with them and to be matched with them as a forever family. Now let me tell you I used to wonder why people did not step up and adopt a child. If every family in just one of our major US cities adopted one child or sibling group there would be no waiting children, delusional I know but I just could not understand why people did not adopt. I am an adoptive parent, I have adopted 4 children through the fostercare system but never a waiting child. I was a foster parent and the children were already placed in my home. I am now one of America's waiting families, go ahead do an Internet search for how many waiting families wait. I know many, I belong to an online community of parents who are waiting to be matched with waiting children. I know families that are licensed who have been waiting over 2 years. I used to wonder why they waited so long I used to think they were being too picky, they only wanted the young children, or those with no special needs, or non minority children. I saw families turn to international adoption and was angered at them for going overseas to adopt when so many US children need homes. Why is there no database of waiting families? Why are there so many parents who wait for children and children who wait for parents? Why is it so hard to get the two together? If a family is licensed by the state and jumps through all the hurdles it takes to become an adoptive family then why does it take so much to get the children and families together.

To become an adoptive family you must submit your home and family to a lot of scrutiny and intrusion, but you do it for the love of your future child. You think after you are licensed the hard part is done, now you wait, you look at waiting children, your homestudy is sent, you are matched and then you bring your child home....

WRONG. I feel this is where the barriers truly lie. Getting through all the intrusion of the licensing process and choosing a child is the easy part. First you must get your homestudy seen by the overwhelmed, over worked social workers who are most of the time in crisis mode trying to keep children safe. This leaves them little time to look at the homestudies and think about the children who are safe in fostercare. OK so then that hurdle is crossed and they pick your home study, now it is time for the matching process, this is a very important step as the family and child/children need to be a good match. But this is where you insert peoples ideas of what they think is the "perfect match", I personally don't know how people know what is the perfect match for a child having never been in the adoptive families home, I know they know the children but I know my family too. Let's work together on this one. So the big day comes and you are matched. It is official you are to become this child's forever family. But wait it's not over. I simply do not have the heart to tell the people in the waiting adoption community that it is not over then. This is where we insert more red tape, contracts, subsidy agreements, and ICPC. This is when a child is coming from out of state and both states have to agree to allow the child to come to the family. Now you may ask why not adopt in your own state good question, I have no idea why families are not matched with children in their own state. I know there are over 650 waiting kids in my state alone. Meanwhile everyone waits and waits, and becomes discouraged with the process and some leave. They wonder if adoption is for them? Maybe God does not want them to adopt or become parents? Maybe they should adopt internationally, for when you adopt internationally and are matched, you go to the country, pick up your child and they are yours. You do not have to wait for everyone to decide if they agree with the match.


Why do adoptive parents not talk about what happens after the homestudy is done?
We all talk about the home study process and the waiting to be matched but then nothing until a chosen few bring home their children then nothing. I wonder how many failed matches happen before that placement? How many times did you request your home study be sent in on a child who you have seen on a waiting child website for years? How many times did they get their hopes up because they were one of the families that was going to staffing? How many times were they matched but then denied by someone sitting in an office looking at a pile of papers who decides that everyone else is wrong?

Why does the media not tackle this issue? Why are there no stats on waiting families? Are we afraid to look at these things? Is it easier to sit and look at all the waiting faces and hope someone steps up to love these children. WELL there are a lot of families who have stepped up, but for all these and many other reasons these children wait, these families wait, and I am convinced many families walk away out of frustration..........