Journaling through life's mysteries, joys and triumphs.

He is Alive!

2010-04-03T11:13:00.001-05:00

What a better time to blog from a blog hiatus then this time of year. I serve a living God who is all knowing all seeing and all powerful. I humbly bow to Him.

I am the child

2009-05-30T21:57:00.002-05:00

I Am the Child

I am the child who cannot talk.
You often pity me, I see it in your eyes.
You wonder how much I am aware of - I see that as well.
I am aware of much - whether you are happy or sad or fearful,
patient or impatient, full of love and desire,
or if you are just doing your duty by me.
I marvel at your frustration, knowing mine to be far greater,
for I cannot express myself or my needs as you do.

You cannot conceive my isolation, so complete it is at times.
I do not gift you with clever conversation, cute remarks to be laughed over and repeated.
I do not give you answers to your everyday questions, responses over my well-being, sharing my needs, or comments about the world about me.
I do not give you rewards as defined by the world's standards -
great strides in development that you can credit yourself.
I do not give you understanding as you know it.

What I give you is so much more valuable - I give you instead opportunities.
Opportunities to discover the depth of your character, not mine;
the depth of your love, your commitment, your patience, your abilities;
the opportunity to explore your spirit more deeply than you imagined possible.
I drive you further than you would ever go on your own,
working harder, seeking answers to your many questions with no answers.
I am the child who cannot talk.

I am the child who cannot walk.
The world seems to pass me by.
You see the longing in my eyes to get out of this chair,
to run and play like other children.
There is much you take for granted.
I want the toys on the shelf, I need to go to the bathroom, oh I've dropped my fork again.
I am dependant on you in these ways.
My gift to you is to make you more aware of your great fortune,
your healthy back and legs, your ability to do for yourself.
Sometimes people appear not to notice me; I always notice them.
I feel not so much envy as desire, desire to stand upright,
to put one foot in front of the other, to be independent.
I give you awareness.
I am the child who cannot walk.

I am the child who is mentally impaired.
I don't learn easily, if you judge me by the world's measuring stick,
what I do know is infinite joy in simple things.
I am not burdened as you are with the strifes and conflicts of a more complicated life.
My gift to you is to grant you the freedom to enjoy things as a child,
to teach you how much your arms around me mean,
to give you love.
I give you the gift of simplicity.
I am the child who is mentally impaired.

I am the disabled child.
I am your teacher.
If you allow me, I will teach you what is really important in life.
I will give you and teach you unconditional love.
I gift you with my innocent trust, my dependency upon you.
I teach you about how precious this life is and about not taking things for granted.
I teach you about forgetting your own needs and desires and dreams.
I teach you giving.
Most of all I teach you hope and faith.
I am the disabled child.

- Author Unknown

I have been blessed by knowing and being a part of many of these childrens's lives. These past few months I have been on a journey with one in particular. She has thought to keep the faith. That when someone says I don't know what we are going to do or shakes their head and says we have few options left you stand firm on the word of God and let Him show the way. There are always more options, some that are unknown to unknow to us. That being on the top of the neurologist list is not really a bad thing, that trying something hair brianed may be a good thing. Don't let someone tell you that you can't do that or they will never learn that for they do not always have the answers. one of these children has learned to show love. She seeks out hugs and kisses, she hugs back and blows kisses. She looks with love in her heart into my eyes. She plays with her dolls and pretends to clean, she washes her face and hands with a cloth. She can throw a ball, she can swing in her swing by herself. Now you may think so what well let me tell you 1 and half years ago this child was labeled profoundly autistic, she was not aware that others were in a room. she paced in the same pace over and over all day stiming on a rattle. Today she seeks out and gives me hugs. God is Good.

Judgement

2009-05-30T21:55:00.001-05:00

Poem : Do Not Judge Too Hard
By Georgy

Pray don’t find fault with the man who limps
Or stumbles along the road
Unless you have worn the shoes that hurt
Or struggled beneath his load
There may be tacks in his shoes that hurt,
Though hidden away from view
Or the burden he bears, placed on your back,
Might cause you to stumble, too.

Don’t sneer at the man who’s down today
Unless you have felt the blow
That caused his fall, or felt the same
That only the fallen know.
You may be strong, but still the blows
That were his, if dealt to you
In the self same way at the self same time,
Might cause you to stagger, too.

Don’t be too harsh with the man who sins
Or pelt him with words or stones,
Unless you are sure, yea, doubly sure,
That you have no sins of your own.
For you know perhaps, if the tempters voice
Should whisper as soft to you
As it did to him when he went astray,
‘Twould cause you to falter, too.

Do not Judge

2009-05-30T21:23:00.002-05:00

Matthew 7 (New King James Version)

Matthew 7
Do Not Judge
1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
6 “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.
Keep Asking, Seeking, Knocking

7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! 12 Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
The Narrow Way

13 “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. 14 Because[a] narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.
You Will Know Them by Their Fruits

15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.
I Never Knew You

21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’
Build on the Rock

24 “Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: 25 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.
26 “But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: 27 and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall.”
28 And so it was, when Jesus had ended these sayings, that the people were astonished at His teaching, 29 for He taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

I have been judged and falsely so. The results of someone making a judgement based on someone else's slander scheme have made an impact on my life that I am not happy about and I am stuggling with anger and disappointment. I saw things in print today that shocked me. Funny part was I was already supposed to know those things.

The flesh in me is struggling, I am very angry and sad. I don't understand why this is happening but trusting in God. I so want to judge those who have judged me but that would be wrong, so I guess the only thing to do is pray. I pray for forgiveness for the anger in my heart, for the judgement that I want to make, I fight it, but it is no more right for me to judge than I was judged. I pray for the truth to set me free. I know God can make all things happen, for it is through Him that all things are possible.

These verses came at such a perfect time. I think we all can use the reminder. This probably makes no since to anyone but that doesn't matter, I know what is happening and so does God and that is all that matters.

I challenge you to not judge others by what you see on the outside, or what someone else may say about them, for unless you see it for yourself it is probably not true.

Shaloam

Don't ya just love

2009-05-22T22:58:00.001-05:00

How someone can know who you are and what you are capable of after spending less than 1 hour with you.

How someone can tell you what a wonderful person you are after spending less than 2 hours with you and make life alter decisions regarding your life.

How someone can read a few lines on paper that are not true and make life altering decisions.

How someone can look at your life and tell you to be grateful for what you have and forget what the Lord has shown you.

How someone who is supposed to be protecting a young cub places it in danger of life long consequences.

How someone can think they and God are in control of life altering choices.

This month by life was turned upside down by someone who made a judgement, and someone read it and someone else made life altering decisions.Thank God I don't depend on someone or serve someone. Thank God someone is not in control of my life. I am so grateful for my blind faith in the Lord and I know that He keeps His promises. He is all knowing all seeing. He is in control, not me nor someone. He alone can make thing happens with out someone, or anyone's help. Praise God that I am His child and He alone is........

He will bring ya through it

2009-05-08T21:17:00.001-05:00

One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief,
was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life
this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought
about those who had lied about him back when he had a
job.

His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things
and cheated him. He remembered family who had passed on.
His mind turned to the illness he had, that no one could
cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment,
and frustration.

Standing there this day, searching for answers he could
not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at
the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would
always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed:

'Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this
life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I
happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am
sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not
fair Lord, I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done
against me and I shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as
your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I
don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I
fear I may not hear you, but I pray you teach me to do
the one thing I cannot do: Teach me to forgive .'

As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak
tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened
his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something
red on his shirt. He could not turn to see what it was
because where the oak tree had been was a large square
piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw
two feet held to the wood with a large spike through
them.

He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as
he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His
hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep
thorns sunk into His head. Finally he saw the suffering
and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the
man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.

'Have you ever told a lie?' He asked?

The man answered - 'Yes, Lord...'

'Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?'

The man answered - 'Yes, Lord..' And the man sobbed more
and more.

'Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't
yours?' Jesus asked?

And the man answered, 'Yes, Lord.'

'Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?'

The man, crying now, answered - 'Yes, Lord.'

As Jesus asked many more times, 'Have you ever'? The
man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only
answer - 'Yes, Lord'.

Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other,
and the man felt something fall on his other shoulder He
looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he
looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there
was a look of love the man had never seen or known
before.

Jesus said, 'I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive
you.'

It may be hard to see how you're going to get through
something, but when you look back in life, you realize
how true this statement is.

If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you!

I got this in an email today, I don't thought it was a very good reminder of His love. I can always use a reminder.
Blessings

Woot Woot

2009-04-26T21:09:00.002-05:00

We are trying a new treatment for Belle's seizures, I am excited to say it is working. The doctor said I would notice improvement soon but I had no idea how soon. We were back at the cities last week for an overnight EEG and I am proud to say her EEG matched what I was seeing. The doctor even went on to say that there were segments of her EEG at night that if you just plucked those out you would say it was normal. What my daughter has some normal brain waves? Woot Woot!! I am so excited. She is laughing and playing with toys, it is so fun to see her personality emerging again. It is hard to watch them be robbed of their joy, but it is such a blessing to see it come back. I can not wait to see what unfolds for her. It is like watching a flower unfold, or a butterfly emerge from it's cocoon. Only God knows what she will look like when she emerges. Now if we can just get potty training down,lol.
Praise God!

Daily Bible verse

2009-04-22T06:56:00.001-05:00

This is the verse that was given me today:

He who guards his mouth preserves his life, But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.

Proverbs 13:3 (New King James Version)

I must ponder this one in more depth.
Blessings

Frustrated beyond frustrated

2009-04-21T09:06:00.003-05:00

WARNING.....A rant is about to unfold

According to the Dave Thomas foundation there are more than 150,000 children waiting for adoption in the American foster care system. The average wait time for a child to get into a permanent family is 42 months...that is over 3 years. That is a long time in the 18 years that we give a child to be love nurtured, taught morals and standards, and how to be a loving functioning person in our society. This is not including the time they spent with the dysfunctional families of origin. Now we see lots of media to promote adoption and the waiting children. Just do an Internet search and you will get multiple hits on the waiting children. It breaks my heart, I see the faces and look into the eyes that wait. They wait for a loving state approved licensed adoptive family to fall in love with them and to be matched with them as a forever family. Now let me tell you I used to wonder why people did not step up and adopt a child. If every family in just one of our major US cities adopted one child or sibling group there would be no waiting children, delusional I know but I just could not understand why people did not adopt. I am an adoptive parent, I have adopted 4 children through the fostercare system but never a waiting child. I was a foster parent and the children were already placed in my home. I am now one of America's waiting families, go ahead do an Internet search for how many waiting families wait. I know many, I belong to an online community of parents who are waiting to be matched with waiting children. I know families that are licensed who have been waiting over 2 years. I used to wonder why they waited so long I used to think they were being too picky, they only wanted the young children, or those with no special needs, or non minority children. I saw families turn to international adoption and was angered at them for going overseas to adopt when so many US children need homes. Why is there no database of waiting families? Why are there so many parents who wait for children and children who wait for parents? Why is it so hard to get the two together? If a family is licensed by the state and jumps through all the hurdles it takes to become an adoptive family then why does it take so much to get the children and families together.

To become an adoptive family you must submit your home and family to a lot of scrutiny and intrusion, but you do it for the love of your future child. You think after you are licensed the hard part is done, now you wait, you look at waiting children, your homestudy is sent, you are matched and then you bring your child home....

WRONG. I feel this is where the barriers truly lie. Getting through all the intrusion of the licensing process and choosing a child is the easy part. First you must get your homestudy seen by the overwhelmed, over worked social workers who are most of the time in crisis mode trying to keep children safe. This leaves them little time to look at the homestudies and think about the children who are safe in fostercare. OK so then that hurdle is crossed and they pick your home study, now it is time for the matching process, this is a very important step as the family and child/children need to be a good match. But this is where you insert peoples ideas of what they think is the "perfect match", I personally don't know how people know what is the perfect match for a child having never been in the adoptive families home, I know they know the children but I know my family too. Let's work together on this one. So the big day comes and you are matched. It is official you are to become this child's forever family. But wait it's not over. I simply do not have the heart to tell the people in the waiting adoption community that it is not over then. This is where we insert more red tape, contracts, subsidy agreements, and ICPC. This is when a child is coming from out of state and both states have to agree to allow the child to come to the family. Now you may ask why not adopt in your own state good question, I have no idea why families are not matched with children in their own state. I know there are over 650 waiting kids in my state alone. Meanwhile everyone waits and waits, and becomes discouraged with the process and some leave. They wonder if adoption is for them? Maybe God does not want them to adopt or become parents? Maybe they should adopt internationally, for when you adopt internationally and are matched, you go to the country, pick up your child and they are yours. You do not have to wait for everyone to decide if they agree with the match.

Why do adoptive parents not talk about what happens after the homestudy is done?
We all talk about the home study process and the waiting to be matched but then nothing until a chosen few bring home their children then nothing. I wonder how many failed matches happen before that placement? How many times did you request your home study be sent in on a child who you have seen on a waiting child website for years? How many times did they get their hopes up because they were one of the families that was going to staffing? How many times were they matched but then denied by someone sitting in an office looking at a pile of papers who decides that everyone else is wrong?

Why does the media not tackle this issue? Why are there no stats on waiting families? Are we afraid to look at these things? Is it easier to sit and look at all the waiting faces and hope someone steps up to love these children. WELL there are a lot of families who have stepped up, but for all these and many other reasons these children wait, these families wait, and I am convinced many families walk away out of frustration..........

The devil is a liar

2009-04-21T08:28:00.004-05:00

Why is it that when good things are in the works the devil loves to rear his ugly head and try to get in my business. Never mind that is a redundant question. I know that by being a Christian and doing the Lord's work makes me a bigger target, no comments about buttocks size....lol. I love the Lord and I stand firm on His word and His promises. He is in control, not me, nor any other human being in this world. I pray and I hope you pray, sometimes we just need to pray as the spirit leads. I am challenging you to pray as the Lord leads you. Cherish the gifts He gives you and pay if forward. Remember you maybe the only bible someone leads.

Shalom

Home again Home again jiggity jog

2009-04-17T22:50:00.003-05:00

Well we made another hospital tour of duty, maybe we should rent a room for the month...lol. This was a planned stay. We are trying IVIG therapy for B's seizure disorder. She did so good when they put the IV in barely a whimper, but for one time they listened to me and let me hold her while they did it. I was determined it was going to be better for her this time. She tolerated the infusions fairly well, she had some vomiting this morning...Yuck! Then she did ok with the 2nd infusion and threw up 2 times on the way home. You try finding a place to pull over fast at the 494/169 intersection in 5:00 rush hour traffic. I think I should get a gold medal for that one...lol. We are now home safe and sound she is asleep in the pack-N-play so I can watch her tonight. She is now running a fever. It may be a viral infection, but could be a side effect of the IVIG. We will not know the effectiveness until next week. I am excited that this therapy is available to us and we have such good health care resources. I am thankful as well that the Lord has blessed me with the medical skills to care for children with these issues. I am anxiously waiting for the "T" word for our more later. I first heard the "m" word on 2/18, I knew of them in January. It is so very hard waiting. This is very frustrating, knowing that they are their and that God is bringing us together, yet waiting for the red tape to be cut. I know it is His time and not mine. I do struggle with patience....lol. Trusting that the Lord will unravel all the red tape soon and that this is the "magic bullet" for B. I can not wait for the summer adjustments and family time.

Happy Resurrection Day!

2009-04-12T21:10:00.002-05:00

He is Alive!!!!!

Let us not forget the reason for this holiday.
Jay went in the hospital Wednesday for sever tonsilitis and dehydration. We still don't know what caused it but he is better. He ran a fever for over 5 days. We went down for a doctors appointment and ended up spending 2 nights in the hospital. It was not fun. Yesterday I was all into myself. I was frustrated to have achild in the hospital agian with no answers, then the nurses had decided they did not think he was ready to go home, good thing it was not up to them. We made it home late yesterday afternoon. I was exhausted and had plenty of reasons to not attend church today. Then I was reminded that it was not about me, or the kids, or anyone else, It is about the sacrifice He made for us and His triumph over death!
Happy Resurrection Day!!!!!

M&M therapy

2009-04-08T14:24:00.003-05:00

Frankly I think we can all use a little chocolate therapy every now and then especially dark chocolate :).
Today B signed a 2 word sentence "more eat" while saying bite. This is awesome she is working so hard and with her EEG so chaotic right now, I am impressed. I had a little Easter bag of M&M's and she had to sign more for a bite of candy then I added in the sign for eat because she was saying bite. We also practiced turn taking mommy's turn then B's turn :). As I see it a win win situation.

Empty Easter Egg

2009-04-07T21:11:00.001-05:00

I have seen this go around the internet, but it is a touching story. I hope you enjoy it.
Jeremy was born with a twisted body, a slow mind and a chronic, terminal illness that had been slowly killing him all his young life. Still, his parents had tried to give him as normal a life as possible and had sent him to St. Theresa's elementary school. At the age of 12, Jeremy was only in second grade, seemingly unable to learn.

His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool and make grunting noises. At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain. Most of the time, however, Jeremy irritated his teacher.

One day, she called his parents and asked them to come to St. Teresa's for a consultation. As the Foresters sat quietly in the empty classroom, Doris said to them, "Jeremy really belongs in a special school. It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have learning problems. Why, there is a five-year gap between his age and that of the other students!" Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue while her husband spoke. "Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here."

Doris sat for a long time after they left, staring at the snow outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul. She wanted to sympathize with the Foresters. After all, their only child had a terminal illness. But it wasn't fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach and Jeremy was a distraction. Furthermore, he would never learn to read or write. Why spend any more time trying? As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. "Oh God," she said aloud, "here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared with that poor family! Please help me to be more patient with Jeremy." From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy 's noises and his blank stares.

Then one day he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him. "I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loudly enough for the whole class to hear. The other children snickered, and Doris's face turned red. She stammered, "wh-why, that's very nice, Jeremy. Now please take your seat."

Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. "Now," she said to them "I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Miss Miller!" The children responded enthusiastically - all except for Jeremy. He just listened intently; his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she had said about Jesus' death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them.

That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy 's parents.

The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller's desk. After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs. In the first egg, Doris found a flower. "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When plants peek through the ground we know that spring is here. "A small girl in the first row waved her arms. "That's my egg, Miss Miller," she called out. The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real. Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and turns into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that is new life, too" little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine."

Next Doris found a rock with moss on it. She explained that the moss, too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom. "My daddy helped me!" He beamed. Then Doris opened the fourth egg. She gasped. The egg was empty! Surely it must be Jeremy 's, she thought, and, of course, he did not understand her instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents. Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another.

Suddenly Jeremy spoke up. "Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk about my egg?" Flustered, Doris replied, "but Jeremy - your egg is empty!" He looked into her eyes and said softly, "yes, but Jesus' tomb was empty too!" Time stopped. When she could speak again. Doris asked him, "Do you know why the tomb was empty?" "Oh yes!" Jeremy exclaimed. "Jesus was killed and put in there. Then his Father raised him up!" The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the school yard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away.

Three months later Jeremy died. Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, ...................all of them empty.
Author Unkown

Antibiotics, Prednisone and Tylenol oh my

2009-04-07T18:41:00.002-05:00

Ok we have way to many medications going on around here. I got to see first hand how it looks to see someone on predisone in an eating frenzy. My sweet 2 1/2 year old has been on prednisone for 3 weeks and it is catching up with her. She has been eating non stop all day. She now seems to be coming down with what J has. Her nose is running and she has diarrhea. I decided that the need for benadryl outweighed the side effects. Benadryl makes her agitated and act like the energizer bunny. It was so frustrating to see her eating everything in sight then when she ran out of food she ran to the table and started crying and franticly signing more. I gave her some chips and made a grilled cheese. OMG it was horrible. She is now tucked soundly in her bed. That is the place where she can reorganize herself. I knwo she is exhausted as she has not napped. J saw 2 doctors yesterday. I took him to clinic where they sent us home with instructions to keep tylenol going and make sure he was drinking. He has been running a temperature for 48 hours now it ranges from 104 to 100 with both tylenol and Ibuprohen going. I took him to the emergency rrom last night as his temperature was not going down. He does not have strep but does have tonsilitis and double ear infections. Sleep has been elusive for 2 days with 2 of them waking up frequently crying. J's throat is really hurting him but the headache seems to be better. The popscile therapy seems to help some. The other 2 have remained healthy thus far and have been very helpful. They are such good kids. I am exhausted but got some good news today and will work on that project. The snow is almost gone we got about 6 inches wiht this last round. I thought with the onset of spring that we had avoided the cold and flu season but alas down we go. We were blessed with avoiding most of the crud this winter. Ok enough rambling Praying for fast healing so we can enjoy Easter services.
God Bless!

Palm Sunday

2009-04-05T19:52:00.001-05:00

Luke 19
Jesus and Zacchaeus

1(A) He entered Jericho and was passing through. 2And there was a man named Zacchaeus. He was a chief tax collector and was rich. 3And(B) he was seeking to see who Jesus was, but on account of the crowd he could not, because he was small of stature. 4So he ran on ahead and climbed up into(C) a sycamore tree to see him, for he was about to pass that way. 5And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, for(D) I must stay at your house today." 6So he hurried and came down and(E) received him joyfully. 7And when they saw it, they all(F) grumbled, "He has gone in to be the guest of a man who is a sinner." 8And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, "Behold, Lord, the half of my goods(G) I give to the poor. And if I have(H) defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it(I) fourfold." 9And Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, since(J) he also is a son of Abraham. 10For(K) the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost."

The Parable of the Ten Minas

11As they heard these things, he proceeded to tell a parable, because he was near to Jerusalem, and because(L) they supposed that the kingdom of God was to appear immediately. 12He said therefore, (M) "A nobleman went into a far country to receive for himself a kingdom and then return. 13Calling(N) ten of his servants,[a] he gave them ten minas,[b] and said to them, 'Engage in business(O) until I come.' 14But(P) his citizens hated him and sent a delegation after him, saying, 'We do not want this man to reign over us.' 15When he returned, having received the kingdom, he ordered these servants to whom he had given the money to be called to him, that he might know what they had gained by doing business. 16The first came before him, saying, 'Lord, your mina has made ten minas more.' 17And he said to him, 'Well done, good servant![c] Because you have been(Q) faithful in a very little,(R) you shall have authority over ten cities.' 18And the second came, saying, 'Lord, your mina has made five minas.' 19And he said to him, 'And you are to be over five cities.' 20Then another came, saying, 'Lord, here is your mina, which I kept laid away in(S) a handkerchief; 21for I was afraid of you, because you are(T) a severe man. You take(U) what you did not deposit, and reap what you did not sow.' 22He said to him,(V) 'I will condemn you with your own words,(W) you wicked servant! You knew that I was(X) a severe man, taking what I did not deposit and reaping what I did not sow? 23Why then did you not put my money in the bank, and at my coming I might have collected it with interest?' 24And he said to those who stood by, 'Take the mina from him, and give it to the one who has the ten minas.' 25And they said to him, 'Lord, he has ten minas!' 26'I tell you that(Y) to everyone who has, more will be given, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. 27But(Z) as for these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over them, bring them here and(AA) slaughter them before me.'"

The Triumphal Entry

28And when he had said these things,(AB) he went on ahead,(AC) going up to Jerusalem. 29(AD) When he drew near to Bethphage and(AE) Bethany, at(AF) the mount that is called Olivet, he sent(AG) two of the disciples, 30saying, "Go into the village in front of you, where on entering you will find a colt tied,(AH) on which no one has ever yet sat. Untie it and bring it here. 31If anyone asks you, 'Why are you untying it?' you shall say this: 'The Lord has need of it.'" 32So those who were sent went away and found it(AI) just as he had told them. 33And as they were untying the colt, its owners said to them, "Why are you untying the colt?" 34And they said, "The Lord has need of it." 35And they brought it to Jesus, and throwing their cloaks on the colt, they set Jesus on it. 36And as he rode along, they(AJ) spread their cloaks on the road. 37As he was drawing near—already on the way down the Mount of Olives—(AK) the whole multitude of his disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice(AL) for all the mighty works that they had seen, 38saying,(AM) "Blessed is(AN) the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and(AO) glory in the highest!" 39(AP) And some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, rebuke your disciples." 40He answered, "I tell you, if these were silent,(AQ) the very stones would cry out."

Jesus Weeps over Jerusalem

41(AR) And when he drew near and saw the city,(AS) he wept over it, 42saying, (AT) "Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now(AU) they are hidden from your eyes. 43For(AV) the days will come upon you, when your enemies(AW) will set up a barricade around you and(AX) surround you and hem you in on every side 44(AY) and tear you down to the ground, you and your children within you. And(AZ) they will not leave one stone upon another in you, because you did not know(BA) the time of your(BB) visitation."

Jesus Cleanses the Temple

45(BC) And he entered the temple and began to drive out those who sold, 46saying to them, "It is written,(BD) 'My house shall be a house of prayer,' but(BE) you have made it a den of robbers."

47(BF) And he was teaching daily in the temple.(BG) The chief priests and the scribes and the principal men of the people were seeking to destroy him, 48but they did not find anything they could do, for all the people were hanging on his words.

Praying you have a blessed Holy week!

Is your light shining?

2009-04-04T01:48:00.000-05:00

You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

Matthew 5:13-16 (New King James Version

Witness to God's glory!

2009-03-30T10:53:00.000-05:00

This is a stand alone post and no need for me to search for an inspiration today. They told my mom and step dad a few weeks ago that his cancer was back. The first step was a CT scan that showed he had a mass, then off for a PET scan that came back as hot, the bad news it is cancer. Next step was to obtain a biopsy to determine the course of treatment, doctor is hoping it is a different type of cancer so they can remove it, if not more chemo and radiation...doom and gloom begins. Last Monday was the needle biopsy then another week of wait. Last week it was shown to me in a dream that the doctor told them it was not cancer. Well today the affirmation...NO CANCER!!@!! PRAISE GOD! They say he has a touch of pneumonia and that is what they saw. I know God took it away. He is in control! What a reminder of what He can and does do for us on a daily basis. Praise God is all I can say. I am thankful for the reminder that He is still in control not us. What a testimony to His omnipotent power and grace. Remember Jesus arose from the grave. He lives!!!!!

Do me a favor today take a minute and look around at your blessings. Stop and let go of your worries for He will take care of it. It is easy to say but so very hard for me to do. Letting go is one of my greatest struggles and I freely admit it but I am a work in progress, praise God!

Angels Among US

2009-03-29T23:05:00.000-05:00

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Have you encountered an angel in your life?
Please share your story!

Awesome Cause

2009-03-27T12:45:00.003-05:00

Please visit this blog and if you find it in your heart help build a house for a needy family.

http://wwwjourneytoourdestiny.blogspot.com/2009/03/double-stroller-giveaway.html

His eye is on the sparrow

2009-03-27T01:23:00.000-05:00

Normally abnormal

2009-03-25T22:19:00.001-05:00

You might be a mom of a child with special needs if.......
1. You are excited to hear the neurologist tell you your child is 2/3 of the way to being normally abnormal.

2. You know what EEG, PTSD, ODD, RAD, ARND, FAS, COBPD,MRI,RSV,MRSA, and CBC mean and they are part of your everyday vocabulary.

3.You are on a first name basis with all the school personnel and everyone knows you are Susie's mom.

4.Your child has an IEP because a 504 was not enough.

5. You decorate your house from Bedpans and Beyond and TherapiesRUS.

6. Your living room looks eerily like the hospital with it own OT room.

7. You are having a quiet week when you only have 3 appointments out of home and 2 therapists coming into your home.

8.You make it through Walmart with only 3 meltdowns, and successfully keep your child from melting into the floor.

9.You think that "dis" should be removed form disabilities.

10. You can spot that smile that lites up the room from 50 yards and would willingly do it all over again.

If you have made it this far you are probably a parent of a child with special needs. You also probably can name at least 5 more things to add to the list. You have more experience with healthcare than you ever thought possible and have probably earned you degree by now in momology.

I took Belle for her 3rd EEG this month and reveled at the babbling I heard coming from my almost 3 year old in the back seat. I was so excited to hear that her EEG had improved by "2/3". It is still grossly abnormal but well on it's way to being her normal abnormal. I saw that twinkle in her eye today and that smile that melts my heart. I was excited to see the recognition on her face when she saw Tim her EEG tech and then put her hand to her head knowing that is what he does. It is the little things that make me so excited. The future is uncertain but then whose isn't? The doctor now admits that she could make dramatic improvement, well she has already done that so everything from here is cream on the crop. I love to see God at work in her life and can not wait to see what He has in store. I know that I am not alone He is with me but their are also thousands of other parents who walk this walk everyday, some by chance some willingly making the choice. Kudos to all who go that extra mile, for the family, friends and support people who help us make this all happen. If you have more if's....to add to this list please leave a comment. I would love to hear your if's..................

God Bless!

Northern Lights

2009-03-24T23:51:00.001-05:00

Close your eyes and let your mind wonder when you listen to this. This little girl was 6 years old when she wrote this piece. I am in awe........

Adoption an act of Bravery

2009-03-23T22:06:00.000-05:00

http://www.billingsgazette.net/multimedia/interactive/?id=2330

This speaks for it's self. Hug your little ones tight.

Forgiveness

2009-03-22T16:57:00.001-05:00

100TH Post

2009-03-21T22:20:00.004-05:00

So what does one do for their 100th post milestone? Throw a party? Post something witty or thought provoking? Have a give away? Well I wish I was into all that but just don't have the muster for any of that tonight so for mine it will be my ramblings. Well I guess I am doing that already. I am so happy to be home. We had an unexpected trip to the hospital last week. As a parent we should expect those things at some time or another, and as a parent of a special needs child those odds go up. Little B has had a time of it with her seizures lately but God's timing is perfect as we sort this through before some exciting "ADD"ventures begin in our family. Now there is a clue. We found out some good information and are on a new path of treatment. I now know more about the brain than I really wanted to which is not much, but then what does anyone really know. The mind is such a vast wilderness, an uncharted territory. I think it is one area of the body that maybe we will never know much about. I lay awake watching EEG waves move across a screen when I should of been sleeping. Fascinated at the changes, the technology and the implications it had to make a difference. Anyway I am excited to know in my heart that we are on the right path with my sweet baby B. My sis has said that is why God gives me medical kids, I get them, and I am a momma bear gone wild when it comes to dealing with the medical community to sift through complicated cases to get the appropriate care for my children. Well she may not put it that way but general drift. I am praying that my sis is joining me on a new "ADD"venture as well, and soon. Spring is here and it is fun to make changes to the house. I may just have to tackle the garage next weekend. That will be an adventure if I don't post for awhile I have gotten lost in the garage send out the posse....lol. I will leave a trail of bread crumbs to find my way back out. It is so nice to be able to get out and walk with the kids again. Today we played momma duck with her ducklings, I am not sure what the neighbors thought of all the quacking, but then they do live next to a purple house. OK so enough of my ramblings, I just re read what I wrote and I am not sure if it is lack of sleep,or spring fever but there you have it my 100th post!

Believe

2009-03-18T00:34:00.001-05:00

I got this from a fellow mom of a special needs child. It is written about a child with autism, but I see so many of these things apply to children with FASD. I Hope you find it insightful.

Ellen Notbohm is author of the new book Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew
When my article Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew was first published in November 2004, I could scarcely have imagined the response. Reader after reader wrote to tell me that the piece should be required reading for all social service workers, teachers and relatives of children with autism. "Just what my daughter would say if she could," said one mother. "How I wish I had read this five years ago. It took my husband and I such a long time to 'learn' these things," said another. As the responses mounted, I decided that the resonance was coming from the fact that the piece spoke with a child's voice, a voice not heard often enough. There is great need - and I hope, great willingness - to understand the world as special needs children experience it. So the voice of our child returns now to tell us what children with autism wish their teachers knew.

1. Behavior is communication. All behavior occurs for a reason. It tells you, even when my words can't, how I perceive what is happening around me. Negative behavior interferes with my learning process. But merely interrupting these behaviors is not enough; teach me to exchange these behaviors with proper alternatives so that real learning can flow. Start by believing this: I truly do want to learn to interact appropriately. No child wants the negative feedback we get from "bad" behavior. Negative behavior usually means I am overwhelmed by disordered sensory systems, cannot communicate my wants or needs or don't understand what is expected of me. Look beyond the behavior to find the source of my resistance. Keep notes as to what happened immediately before the behavior: people involved, time of day, activities, settings. Over time, a pattern may emerge.

2. Never assume anything. Without factual backup, an assumption is only a guess. I may not know or understand the rules. I may have heard the instructions but not understood them. Maybe I knew it yesterday but can't retrieve it today. Ask yourself: Are you sure I really know how to do what is being asked of me? If I suddenly need to run to the bathroom every time I'm asked to do a math sheet, maybe I don't know how or fear my effort will not be good enough. Stick with me through enough repetitions of the task to where I feel competent. I may need more practice to master tasks than other kids.
Are you sure I actually know the rules? Do I understand the reason for the rule (safety, economy, health)? Am I breaking the rule because there is an underlying cause? Maybe I pinched a snack out of my lunch bag early because I was worried about finishing my science project, didn't eat breakfast and am now famished.

3. Look for sensory issues first. A lot of my resistant behaviors come from sensory discomfort. One example is fluorescent lighting, which has been shown over and over again to be a major problem for children like me. The hum it produces is very disturbing to my hypersensitive hearing, and the pulsing nature of the light can distort my visual perception, making objects in the room appear to be in constant movement. An incandescent lamp on my desk will reduce the flickering, as will the new, natural light tubes. Or maybe I need to sit closer to you; I don't understand what you are saying because there are too many noises "in between" - that lawnmower outside the window, Jasmine whispering to Tanya, chairs scraping, pencil sharpener grinding.
Ask the school occupational therapist for sensory-friendly ideas for the classroom. It's actually good for all kids, not just me.

4. Provide me a break to allow for self-regulation before I need it. A quiet, carpeted corner of the room with some pillows, books and headphones allows me a place to go to re-group when I feel overwhelmed, but isn't so far physically removed that I won't be able to rejoin the activity flow of the classroom smoothly.

5. Tell me what you want me to do in the positive rather than the imperative. "You left a mess by the sink!" is merely a statement of fact to me. I'm not able to infer that what you really mean is "Please rinse out your paint cup and put the paper towels in the trash." Don't make me guess or have to figure out what I should do.

6. Keep your expectations reasonable. That all-school assembly with hundreds of kids packed into bleachers and some guy droning on about the candy sale is uncomfortable and meaningless to me. Maybe I'd be better off helping the school secretary put together the newsletter.

7. Help me transition between activities. It takes me a little longer to motor plan moving from one activity to the next. Give me a five-minute warning and a two-minute warning before an activity changes - and build a few extra minutes in on your end to compensate. A simple clock face or timer on my desk gives me a visual cue as to the time of the next transition and helps me handle it more independently.

8. Don't make a bad situation worse. I know that even though you are a mature adult, you can sometimes make bad decisions in the heat of the moment. I truly don't mean to melt down, show anger or otherwise disrupt your classroom. You can help me get over it more quickly by not responding with inflammatory behavior of your own. Beware of these responses that prolong rather than resolve a crisis:
_ Raising pitch or volume of your voice. I hear the yelling and shrieking, but not the words.
_ Mocking or mimicking me. Sarcasm, insults or name-calling will not embarrass me out of the behavior.
_ Making unsubstantiated accusations
_ Invoking a double standard
_ Comparing me to a sibling or other student
_ Bringing up previous or unrelated events
_ Lumping me into a general category ("kids like you are all the same")

9. Criticize gently. Be honest - how good are you at accepting "constructive" criticism? The maturity and self-confidence to be able to do that may be light years beyond my abilities right now. Should you never correct me? Of course not. But do it kindly, so that I actually hear you. Please! Never, ever try to impose discipline or correction when I am angry, distraught, overstimulated, shut down, anxious or otherwise emotionally unable to interact with you.
Again, remember that I will react as much, if not more, to the qualities of your voice than to the actual words. I will hear the shouting and the annoyance, but I will not understand the words and therefore will not be able to figure out what I did wrong. Speak in low tones and lower your body as well, so that you are communicating on my level rather than towering over me.
Help me understand the inappropriate behavior in a supportive, problem-solving way rather than punishing or scolding me. Help me pin down the feelings that triggered the behavior. I may say I was angry but maybe I was afraid, frustrated, sad or jealous. Probe beyond my first response.
Practice or role-play - show me-a better way to handle the situation next time. A storyboard, photo essay or social story helps. Expect to role-play lots over time. There are no one-time fixes. And when I do get it right "next time," tell me right away. It helps me if you yourself are modeling proper behavior for responding to criticism.

10. Offer real choices - and only real choices. Don't offer me a choice or ask a "Do you want...?" question unless are willing to accept no for an answer. "No" may be my honest answer to "Do you want to read out loud now?" or "Would you like to share paints with William?" It's hard for me to trust you when choices are not really choices at all.
You take for granted the amazing number of choices you have on a daily basis. You constantly choose one option over others knowing that both having choices and being able to choose provides you control over your life and future. For me, choices are much more limited, which is why it can be harder to feel confident about myself. Providing me with frequent choices helps me become more actively engaged in everyday life.
Whenever possible, offer a choice within a 'have-to'. Rather than saying: "Write your name and the date on the top of the page," say: "Would you like to write your name first, or would you like to write the date first?" or "Which would you like to write first, letters or numbers?" Follow by showing me: "See how Jason is writing his name on his paper?"
Giving me choices helps me learn appropriate behavior, but I also need to understand that there will be times when you can't. When this happens, I won't get as frustrated if I understand why:
"I can't give you a choice in this situation because it is dangerous. You might get hurt."
"I can't give you that choice because it would be bad for Danny" (have negative effect on another child).
"I give you lots of choices but this time it needs to be an adult choice."
The last word: believe. That car guy Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you are usually righ t." Believe that you can make a difference for me. It requires accommodation and adaptation, but autism is an open-ended disability. There are no inherent upper limits on achievement. I can sense far more than I can communicate, and the number one thing I can sense is whether or not you think I "can do it." Expect more and you will get more. Encourage me to be everything I can be, so that I can stay the course long after I've left your classroom.

Money doesn't buy you wealth

2009-03-16T21:51:00.001-05:00

I have seen this story before but a great reminder. It is not the material things in life that make us rich. How rich are you? Can you all please remember my mother's husband in your prayers. He has had a small reoccurrence of his lung cancer. I know God is in control, and I do know that they are worried and need the peace that only God can give. We also have a stray lamb that needs to return to the flock. Join me in praying her home. One more prayer request my little girl who not yet 3 has a seizure disorder, it has reared it's ugly head, join me in praying for wisdom and guidance into effective therapy. I hope you enjoy this story and I pray you are very rich!

The Red Marbles
Author: Unknown

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprizing a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't’t help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

“Hello Barry, how are you today?”

“H’lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus’ admirin’ them peas. They sure look good.”

“They are good, Barry. How’s your Ma?”

“Fine. Gittin’ stronger alla’ time.”

“Good. Anything I can help you with?”

“No, Sir. Jus’ admirin’ them peas.”

“Would you like take some home?” asked Mr. Miller.

“No, Sir. Got nuthin’ to pay for ‘em with.”

“Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?”

“All I got’s my prize marble here.”

“Is that right? Let me see it” said Miller.

“Here ’tis. She’s a dandy.”

“I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?” the store owner asked.

“Not zackley but almost.”

“Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble”. Mr. Miller told the boy.

“Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.”

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile said, “There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn’t like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.”

I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.

Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts…all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband’s casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.

Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband’s bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

“Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim “traded” them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size. They came to pay their debt.” “We’ve never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,” she confided, “but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho .” With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

God Bless the Children

2009-03-14T23:29:00.003-05:00

This subject is very near and dear to my heart. If you are touched by this video pick up the phone and call,or visit www.adoptuskids.org. You don't have to be a perfect parent to adopt, you don't have to be rich or own your own home. Have questions about adopting a waiting child leave me a message, I am an adoptive parent. I hope this touches your heart.

My chains are gone~

2009-03-13T23:14:00.004-05:00

This little girl is now almost 7 years old. I knew from the very first moment that I laid eyes on her and held her in my arms that she was very special. I knew that I loved her from that very moment, but that is not what makes her so special. We know that all children are special and are entrusted to us by the heavenly Father. This little girl has such a love of our Father, the pure simple, childhood love. I rented the animated passion for tonight's movie as we are nearing Easter, I was watching the movie and doing several other things as is not uncommon when I stopped everything as I heard her sobbing. When I asked her why was she crying so she told me it was because she loved Jesus so much. Why mommy did they hurt Him like that? Why are they being so mean? Why did he die? WOW! What an opportunity for discussion. I just love her heart for Our Lord. You can teach a child, read to them, take them to church and live by example but only God can put such a love and joy for His son in such a tender heart. I can not wait to watch her blossom into the steward He has made. It puts joy in my heart to see her love for Him.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Matthew 19:14 (New International Version)

I love this version of Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin.
Go ahead sing along, God is listening

Another inspiring story

2009-03-12T23:09:00.002-05:00

I have seen this before but thought I would share it for those who have not.

An Angel

2009-03-11T23:19:00.001-05:00

Someone who know's who she is let me know I needed to give more of a warning with yesterday's video, So Tami get your roll of TP...lol.

This is so inspiring. What a beautiful sister!

Adoption....Tissue warning

2009-03-10T22:45:00.000-05:00

Parent Poem

2009-03-09T15:27:00.001-05:00

From God with Love

~Author Unknown~

Children are a blessing sent from God above
For us to care and nurture and most of all to love.

God calls us to be parents and gives us all the tools
And when we feel like giving up, our strength He will renew.

Children are a gift from God that He so freely lends
To make it through the childhood years, on Him we must depend.

He must have a presence, you see it must take three
The parents, child and Christ at the center to be a family.

From childhood days to a child full grown
Their joys and hurts are a parent's own.

Times of joy and laughter and those times of tears
The times spent raising a child are surely the best of years.

There comes that time in life when a child will leave the nest
We must send them off with love and a prayer and leave to God the rest.

We've have shared the Word of God, we've taught them right from wrong
Now it's time to let them go and let them write their song.

The faith instilled, the examples lived, and the lessons taught
All gifts that we've given our child, which will never be forgotten.

There are many paths a child can take, right or wrong will remain unknown
But rest assured that in the end, they all lead back to home.

Catching Up

2009-03-09T00:05:00.000-05:00

We took a trip to the cities this weekend. I am proud to say B is seizure free again. I have lived God's faithfulness and inspiration this weekend, not that I don't always but sometimes I just see it plainer. I was reminded today that all we need is the faith of a mustard seed. Praise God. I read several stories tonight looking for my inspirational post and this one seemed appropriate in today's economic strife. I am grateful God knows the weight of my prayers. Are you trusting Him with yours? Do you believe it when you say you are? It is one thing to speak it is another to live it.

God Bless

Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work. They had seven children and they needed food.

John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store. Visualizing the family needs, she said: "Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can." John told her he could not give her credit, as she did not have a charge account at his store.

Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family.

The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery list?" Louise replied, "Yes sir." "Okay" he said, "put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries."

Louise hesitated a moment with a bowed head. Then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.

The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scale went down and stayed down. The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, "I can't believe it." The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales.

The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more. The grocer stood there in utter disgust.

Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement. It was not a grocery list. It was instead a prayer which said: "Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands."

The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence. Louise thanked him and left the store. The customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said, "It was worth every penny of it."

It was sometime later that the grocer discovered the scales were broken; therefore, only God knows how much a prayer weighs.

Attitude

2009-03-07T00:00:00.000-06:00

by: Charles Swindoll

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes,
than what others think or say or do.

It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.
It will make or break a company... a church... a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding
the attitude we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past... we cannot change the
fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens
to me and 90% how I react to it.
And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes."

My attitude just plain "sucked" as as the kids say. I am sick and tired of seizures, I am sick and tired of calls to the neurologist, I am sick and tired on giving my 2 year old heavy duty medications. I am sick and tired of the way the medications effect her, I am sick and tired of neither one of us getting any sleep.

I am grateful I have a beautiful, endearing, happy 2 year old that has seizures but seizures don't have her. I am grateful God entrusted me with her care. I am grateful for the medical knowledge and medications to treat this disorder, I am grateful to be her mom.

out on a limb

2009-03-05T23:44:00.003-06:00

OK instead of searching the Internet I am going out on a limb here tonight with today's inspiration. It was seizure day 2, we have not had a spell like this in awhile. I had to give her some more diastat today and even though she had a paradoxical reaction it was not as intense as yesterday. She is sound asleep right now by my bed just so I can keep an eye on her. After all were tucked soundly in bed I picked up my trusty friend my laptop, I grabbed a soda and settled in for our time together. You see my laptop has become my friend well not it necessarily but it gives me a means to catch up with a lot of wonderful people I met and some I now call friends. I sat down to peruse the blogs I follow to check in with everyone then went to pogo. One of my friends from pogoland just had a new grand baby, and I was going to check in with her. Well she was not there so it was time for some mindless game playing. I dropped into a room and was met with a couple of ladies who simply did not have the time to say hi, let alone chat. After they ran off several players with their rude comments I being me felt the need to say something...lol. I merely stated that they were not being friendly, now mind you after 2 seizure days I was tired and felt a rant coming on but I stopped my self. I continued to exchange niceties with others who made the mistake of sitting at our table, finally one left. The other "crabby patty" finally asked if I thought she was being rude, I said it look that why in type. We chatted for a couple of seconds and I thought she was being sarcastic. I apologized if I had been rude as I was tired. We continued to chat and I ended up playing for an hour. I found out she was a grandma with ALS. She had worked with special needs children in the school system until her disability. She was in pain from a broken shoulder and really did seem very nice. I really enjoyed playing with her as well as our chat. Boy am I glad I held that rant back...lol.
Do you ever wonder who is on the other side of the keyboard? Is she tall or short? Dark hair or blond? Is she wearing her jammies and sipping cafe at 3 in the afternoon or chasing kids through the house is she really a she?...lol. I think sometimes we forget that there is a real person with a real life we all have our days. Some of us are better linguists than others. It is not possible to put inflexion, intonation, or expression behind typed words, try as we may with :0 :( or ;) it is not possible. Next time you think you have someone all figured out or wonder why did she say that? Did she really mean that? That was so rude or cruel, remember it maybe me on the other side of the computer sleep deprived, no poetry skills and low on caffeine trying to say something profound.....lol. I am grateful for the technology and the resources that allow me to meet people I would not otherwise meet, to make friends I would not otherwise have, to find a friendly understanding ear, or an answer to a question that I may have about new FAS or autism treatments. I am grateful for the lesson that I was reminded tonight to not judge others by what you see on the outside, even the outside of the type written word. I am not what you see on the outside, I am who God made me.
Blessings to all. BTW I am in my jammies :)

Inspiring Youth

2009-03-04T23:09:00.003-06:00

Kudos to these young people for not letting a label control their lives. Being a parent of a child with special needs I am used to the ABC 123 labels that are placed on our kids but I don't know what it feels like. I am sure these young people's parents are very proud of them. A label is not who you are. Stand strong, stand Proud, God made you who you are!

Seizure Days

2009-03-04T18:40:00.001-06:00

My sweet B woke up this morning her usual happy smiling self but did not eat breakfast very well. Teacher Pat came at 10AM and B was really on task in fact we both commented on how much she had lost that toddler look and how many new skills she was learning. She changes from week to week. Close to the end of the session B became more clingy to me and climbed up on the couch for a "banger". Although she stills bangs her head for vestibular stimulation the teacher had not seen her do it in a long time. She is now able to get the vestibular input in better ways.Then I noticed she started "checking out" and I saw her eyes dancing. She was having partial seizures. They are very short and if you did not know her you may think she was ignoring you or just spaced out, she would recover then go back to her task. The recovery time became longer and longer and she was having the seizures more and more. We called it a session and I cuddled her close as by now she was becoming irritable and confused. Teacher Pat left and I debated wether or not to call her speech and OT to cancel but decided that they would need to know how to deal with them at school as she will start preschool next fall, so I let them come. We put her on the therapy ball and her OT held her tight and she bounced up and down, the partial seizures continued but B was trying to work on a puzzle in between them, it became harder and harder until she could not do it any more so we focused on helping her to try and gainsome control in what must have been a very confusing world. I can only imagine what it feels like to her. The EEG showed that the brain waves in her core brain are chaotic to put it very simply. The partial seizures usually come in clusters and after a while she becomes very irritable and sleeps them off, she looses most of the day when this happens. It was great having the OT and speech here as I got some good input from them and some different eyes observing her seizures. It seems as if every time she has seizures they are different. Her eyes do a little dance and were half mass this time, her body would tighten with these partial seizures. She would seem to pause then try to come back to task, she made it almost through the 30 minute session but they became more and more disruptive to her ability to function. She began to have facial drooping and her little mouth turned down and tears were streaming down her cheeks. I have never seen this happen before. Again I craddled her close and she fell asleep, well for some kids with seizures this can be a time when seizures increase and they did, her little body began to jerk involuntarily, her arms, legs and head. She was not stiffening and it was not rapid like a tonic clonic seizure, the jerking was much more pronounced on the left side, this went on for over 3 minutes when I called the neuro. They said that even though these were not normal for her, they were classic seizures and I needed to give her the diastat. I gave her the diastat and expected her to go limp and sleep for a few hours, within 10 minutes she was laughing hysterically and trying to get down. I put her down on the floor and she could not sit up, she would just look at things like the heat vent and bust out laughing. So after 2 hours of wrestling what felt like a 200 pound octopus I put her in her crib as she could now stand holding on to something, and called then neuro back as they had asked. I already knew but they confirmed she had an adverse reaction to the diastat. It did however stop the seizures. So now I have a confused but happy toddler who is for now seizure free. Did I mention I HATE SEIZURE DAYS!

He lives!

2009-03-03T21:59:00.000-06:00

am continuing on my quest of inspiration and found this poem. We all know the story but it is always good to be reminded. Nothing is more precious than this, the gift of everlasting life. The resurrection of Jesus and our eternal salvation that is ours for the asking. I am grateful for the blind faith that I have and the trust that He lives! Praise God!

I Saw It
by: Poppy, Poppy's Poetry Page

Easter morning I awoke, still filled with all my doubt.
The others were confused, and scared, of how it all turned out.
All our plans and dreams were gone, our future looking bleak.
Everything we had hoped for, with nothing left to seek.

Well, I guess that life goes on, you do the best you can.
I had hoped He was the one, but He was just a man.
Today the air seems fresher, as I walked out in the street.
"Have you heard," a stranger said, as he began to speak.

"That man named Jesus, that they killed, last Friday on the cross,
Nobody knows what happened, everybody's at a loss."
"Someone took His body, others say He rose again."
"Some even say He lives, and He has spoken to His men."

I thought, I spoke to John and Peter early on last night,
They never mentioned anything, this fellow can't be right.
The town is in a frenzy, some remember what He said.
They think because the body's gone, He came back from the dead.

Many were not there that day, when He was crucified.
But, I saw the soldier thrust the sword into His side.
I had thought, He'd use His power to show He was Lord.
But, I knew that He was dead, because I saw the sword.

I had to go and see the men, to see what they have heard,
Rumors spread so quickly and you can't believe a word.
People love to gossip and spread stories all around.
I know the men are hiding, they're afraid they may be found.

Later on that evening, when I knew it would be safe,
I went to see the other men, to see them face to face.
As I opened up the door, expecting to see fear,
They were all excited and they said, "He was just here!"

"He has given us the Spirit, of the Holy Ghost!"
"He breathed on us and told us, that our bodies were His host!"
"Are you all insane?" I asked, before I turned to leave.
"Unless I see Him for myself, I never will believe."

"I was there, I saw the nails, they hung Him on the cross."
"The sword that pierced His side and all the blood He lost."
"He was dead, I know He was, when I had to leave."
"Unless I see the wounds on Him, I never will believe."

"I will come back, a week from now, to see if you regain,
Your senses, after you recover from your awful pain."
"All of us are hurting from His loss, as it would seem,
But, we cannot go on in life, while you live in a dream."

Exactly eight days later, I went back to check on them.
Hopefully, they've overcome their fantasizing whim.
As I stood among them, "It is true," they did persist,
"Jesus came!" and suddenly, He was standing in our midst.

Then, He looked at me and said, "It's true I really died."
"Come and take your finger, and just thrust it in my side."
"Look upon my hands and see the marks where I did bleed,
And then you'll know I live again, and then you can believe."

"Now, my Lord and God I know, and I do realize,
You were dead and live again, I've seen it with my eyes."
"You believe," He said, "because your eyes are sharp and keen,
But, blessed are believers, who believe and have not seen."

After this He came to us and taught a month or so.
He showed us many wonders and taught all we had to know.
I am here to tell you, that I saw Him die and rise.
It's not a story that I heard, I saw it with my eyes!

Thomas

Chicken Soup

2009-03-03T00:32:00.002-06:00

I am getting really tired of this liquid/soft diet that I decided to share a little chicken soup with you all. I so want a big fast juicy hamburger....yum. Enjoy today's food for the soul. It is late but better late than never.

Thank You!

2009-03-01T19:01:00.000-06:00

Taking time to say Thank You Lord. I am guilty as I think a lot of are of calling upon Him in times of stress or need, and I am faithful to thank Him for answered prayers. What about the daily blessings He gives, the air we breathe, the roof over our heads, the food we eat, the friends we have the laughter of little children? What about the answered prayer we haven't asked for yet, or protecting us from unseen harm, or the blessings that are yet to come, or for the ultimate gift He gave us, His son. Thank you Lord. I am humbled.

Children are our Future

2009-02-28T21:04:00.000-06:00

No more wisdom but inspiration.

2009-02-27T21:25:00.001-06:00

Well all my wisdom, at least my wisdom teeth are gone. I am sore but all is well. I am glad I went with the anesthesia now. One minute I was complaining next thing I knew I was waking up and heading home. I found this today. I was told that I needed to give a tissue warning so consider yourself warned. God Bless!

Food for the body and Soul

2009-02-26T18:13:00.002-06:00

This is the name of an old cookbook I got at a yard sale last summer. I am a bargain hunter extraordinaire. This one lady had a laundry basket of old books most of which I will never read but I love old cookbooks. This one was copyrighted 1943 the year of my mothers birth. It has some really cool things to look at some thoughts for the soul and some really interesting recipes. Here is one of the excerpts for the soul.

A Creed For Mothers

I believe in little children as the most precious gift of Heaven to earth.
I believe they have immortal souls crested in the image of God.
I believe that in every child there are infinite possibilities for good and evil, and that the kind of influences with which we surround their early childhood largely determines their future character.
I believe in play as the child"s normal effort to understand himself through free self expression.
I believe, too in work suitable to childhood, and that the joy in doing such work should come to the child very largely from the joy of doing of it well.
I believe in inspiring the child to choose the good, the true, and the beautiful, and to contribute to the happiness of others by word and deed of gift.
I believe that in all these things my example counts for more than my percept.
I believe in cultivating the intellect and the will but I believe too in soul culture and that out of the cultivation comes the more abundant life bringing forth the fruits of the Spirit---kindness, gentleness joy, peace,truth,hope,faith, love and reverence for God, respect for age,consideration for each other and thoughtfulness for all God's lowly creatures.
I believe that the calling of Motherhood is the holiest and should be the happiest of all earth's tasks.
I believe that the Christ,who was once himself a child, born of a human mother, is the one never-failing source of help for perplexed discouraged or wearied motherhood.
Since to this work, Father thou has called me, help me to give to it all that Thou hast given me of insight and wisdom and strength and love and gentleness and patience and forgiveness.
Intelligencer Leader

Anyone have any thoughts? How can or should this be translated into today's society some 65 years later.

I am having oral surgery tomorrow and doubt I will feel like blogging so this is tomorrows food for thought. And for all those who warned me I have finally agreed to IV sedation so I am sure I will be a barrel of laughs....NOT!....lol.

Today's lift

2009-02-26T15:51:00.001-06:00

How can you not smile watching this little cutie. Ok so maybe I am a little parital to kiddos but come on she is adorable. This is my favorite hymn as well.

Inspiration

2009-02-25T12:48:00.003-06:00

My pastor sent this to me for Ash Wednesday. I have seen it before but I had to watch it again. This man is a true inspiration he has such a wonderful testimony. I am not giving up anything for lent season instead I have decided to seek something out everyday that is positive, something that inspires me. It is through God's love that He sent His Son who gave His life on that cross that day for us to have life.He did not die that day but was resurrected and Lives today! Our lives really don't belong to us but to Him. I want to search out other people who are serving Him and giving back just a little of the love He gives to us. Happy Ash wednesday.

Anger Monster

2009-02-23T12:25:00.005-06:00

I stumbled on this great website today this is a video of my 5 year old who came home from school this afternoon
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid3138429001/bctid3172352001
See the little blue monster yep that is him. We watched the above video together. Then I watched the second one with him. Great idea and I wish he had this capability but when he is in overload mode this is not possible. That is what alcohol does to their little brains. Right now he is swinging in his siters sensory swing, maybe he will be able to stop and think when he is done swinging....sigh.
Here is a link to the second video.
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid2964144001/bctid3111579001

Infomericals

2009-02-21T15:09:00.000-06:00

Mom do you want one of those? A asks

Me: no A I don't need one

A: mom we need to get one of those I have humps, moms and daughters can use them

lol thank goodness they now make smooth aways that will take away humps. I wonder if they will take these humps on my hips...lol

A whole roll of friends

2009-02-20T14:30:00.003-06:00

This is one of my daughter's newest friend. Yesterday A came out of her room carrying a piece of toilet paper consisting of 2 squares of toilet paper. She proudly announced that this was her new friend. One of the joys of having brothers is having them ripping heads off your barbies or tearing up your new toilet paper friend, OMG what a tragedy. She cried and cried that M had torn up her new friend. I reminded her there were more in the bathroom. Thanks goodness some friends are replaceable....lol. She carried her friend around with her the rest of the evening, I about lost it when she announced she needed a tissue for her nose, when I told her she had one in her hand she informed me it was her friend how dare I make such a suggestion. She slept with her friend and took it to school the next day. Sad to say her teacher now has her friend in her desk. Oh well there are more where that one came from...lol.

Mum's the word

2009-02-20T14:09:00.003-06:00

I had a phone conversation a couple days ago that I wish I could talk about but for now mum's the word. In the adoption world we call this a more later call. I am really excited but trying to patiently wait for things to move. It never ceases to amaze me the hurdles that need to be jumped and the rolls and rolls of red tape that must me unraveled. I know that things can change, I have been disappointed before but this is an exciting time regardless. I have not been able to discuss this with anyone, well one person and it is driving me nuts. I am a social person, I need to talk about this life altering event. Help...lol. This is going to entail me flying in an airplane. I have never I repeat never flown before in my life. The mere thought of it sends chills down my spine...lol. Any and all comments, suggestions on first time flying gladly accepted. I lipped off once that this would be the only reason I would fly. You would think I would have learned by now to be careful what you say. Nope not me open mouth insert foot. I am praying that when I take this airplane ride that I come how with some very special "souvenirs"....smile. So today I am trying to let go of the flight anxiety and praying for all the loose ends to be wrapped up ASAP after all I do need to be able to talk about this, insert Cheshire cat SMILE.

Multiple Holidays+FASD=Frustration

2009-02-16T19:29:00.000-06:00

For the whole house and it looked like most of Walmart. I made the mistake of going out to Walmart the day after Valentines day. Bright lights, aisles and aisles of looky loos, rows of people and crawling carts makes for a full tilt meltdown, complete with a child rolling on the floor of Walmart, exit stage left...lol. Ok so as if the weekend was not going to be long enough with sugared up kids then we throw in Presidents day to make for a 3 day weekend. They were so tired and frustrated that 5 minutes of hitting the bed tonight they are all sound asleep. Did I mention I am for year round school? I am beginning to think that some of these holidays are just a conspiracy theory for an extra day off...lol. But it does not make for fun for our kids. You try explaining to a a sugared up 6 year old why they can not have the rest of the bag of candy. Their bags of valentines all had candy glued, stapled and duct yes duct taped to the valentines. I guess my kids valentine buddies were not to thrilled with the pencils they took. So while I am on this rant why do we need a day to tell others we love them? What is that all about? Please don't wait until next year to tell your loves that you love them, hug them tight and let them know they are loved each and everyday. God does not promise us tomorrow, He gifts us with the present! So next tell me why we need to have a Presidents day, we do not shut down for my birthday or yours now do we? Just so you know the kids are already looking forward to Easter and I have to admit so am I, or as we call it Happy Resurrection Day. Thanks for letting me download a little frustration. Whew I feel better now.

Snug as a bug in a rug

2009-02-11T22:53:00.002-06:00

Spring fever has hit a little early or cabin fever late, which ever it is I have felt the need to get some things done around the house. I finally got the guys here to do the weatherization that needed to be done and the new furnace is in and purring like a kitten. I guess I will find out next winter if the weatherization made a difference, of course it is just mid February so we could have another cold blast with a foot of snow....dunking from the flying snowballs....but I am ready for spring. I am getting some fencing done this year so my daughter with autism will have some external boundaries and more freedom to roam the yard. I have been online shopping for swing sets and cannot wait to get one and get the kids outside and swinging instead of swinging from the rafters...lol.

Kidz Blog

2009-02-11T22:49:00.002-06:00

You all need to drop in on Tara's blog she is having a fun giveaway, but more important she has such a fun blog and there are so many neat people over there so drop on over. I have to visit daily to see what is new.

Good news bad news

2009-02-10T19:05:00.003-06:00

Bad news is I have an infected wisdom tooth....Good news is they are still there so you will have to put up with my wisdom for a little longer...lol. Good news is now that it is infected the oral surgeon wants to use some light general anesthesia...bad news I don't like that good news is it will hurt less. So all in all the good news wins as always.
Praise God for all He does for us!
Shloam

No more wisdom

2009-02-10T08:16:00.000-06:00

I am having my wisdom teeth out today and being the busy mom I am plus my fear of anesthesia I am using local only. So as you can see from this post don't expect any more "wise" posts from me...lol. I am really not looking forward to this. I HATE dentists. what a fun day I have planned...not! Oh well after today they will be gone so no more toothaches. That is the good part. I am done whining now.

The good news is the guys came to weatherize my house yesterday and the new furnace work starts today. Woohoo! I am excited. It is kinda late for this winter but will be good on the cooling bill and wonderful for next winter.

Inspirational Tuesday

2009-02-03T19:43:00.006-06:00

Over at kidz blog she is having inspirational Tuesday, here is the link http://kidzorg.blogspot.com/2008/11/welcome-to-kidz.html , this is my first time participating so here goes.
There are many inspirational things I could post about, like today I got an email from the superintendent, no I didn't shudder but am rejoicing. After months of advocating and educating, siting state and federal laws then finally stepping back and this will be a shocker to my family and friends, finally letting God take care of it, drum roll, they are transporting J to school. Praise God!!! woohoo, doing the happy dance. Now to top it off we are meeting again to look at the "possible" need for an IEP. This is tremendous progress! Or I could post about my darling B and all the progress she is making, the fact that she interacts and seeks out others, this is huge for a child with autism. She is now playing a game where she will drop things, or do something then throw her head back and laugh, then look at you to see if it is funny, of course it is.:) Or yesterday when I was listening to a christian CD and she was walking around the living room clapping her hands, after all church was the first place she clapped her hands, and dancing. Then when the pastor started to preach she came over looked at me and dropped to her knees and clasp her hands as if in prayer. I would have taken a picture but I was in awe. God has moved in this child's life so many times. Or the fact that even though we are still making medication changes she has been seizure free. :) God moves me in such simple ways. I am inspired by His everyday angels and the magnitude of His love and faithfulness to us. This video stirs me so I will leave it at that

Laura Ingalls I am not

2009-01-27T18:37:00.002-06:00

I headed off to the big city of Mankato today to see the oral surgeon, time to remove some wisdom teeth. I have held on to them all these years but can't see that they are giving me any more wisdom so out they go. My mind began to wander....no comments from the peanut gallery, lol..... as I pulled up in front of my house. I loved watching Little house on the Prairie when I was younger. The story of the harsh winters and trekking off from Walnut Grove to Mankato in horse and buggy looked like such an adventure. I can not imagine how they survived taking that trip in horse and buggy in this weather. We have had a cold snowy winter with wind chills down to -40 and more than a foot of snow on the ground, what a trip that must of been. There were no heaters in the buggies, no snow plows to clear the roads or roads for that matter. No McDonald's to stop in for a warm cup of coffee or a quick sandwich and I am sure it took a long time. I wander if they traveled with kids with autism or FASD? Trips can be interesting to say the least with children with special needs, my mom went along today and I could tell she was nervous. Would B be loud the whole trip? Turns out she was great, by loud she lets out these squeals, it is her communicating and I love that she is trying to form words but her modulation has not developed yet so she can be loud. I got the fingeragain today. We were in the waiting room of the oral surgeons office, the waiting room was packed and B was playing with the kids toys, she was coloring and would occasionally let out a squeal. Now first I wonder why did they have children's toys if there are not supposed to be children and 2 she was not being that loud. I looked up to see this lady across the waiting room, point to B and put her shush finger to lips. I smiled and went back to attending to my daughter. B did eventually get restless so grandma took her out. After we left the clinic mother told me that she had came back in to check on me and the lady gave her a lecture about how annoying my baby was and she was disturbing the entire waiting room. Oh wait that is why others were smiling at her. The mama bear in me bristled and I asked mom if she had told her she had autism, of course not...sheesh, an opportunity lost to teach and of course she had already left. We went to lunch after that were B saw another little girl who she decided to talk to and we had a nice little lunch as B "talked" to the little girl. Grandma I think enjoyed the outing as much as I. We will have to trek off to the big city again sometime soon, next time grandma will be armed with some autism cards to hand out in case of my absence. :)

A rant and a rave

2009-01-20T19:11:00.002-06:00

There is a thread going on in an adoption support group I belong to, I have tried to remain silent and followed the thread until today. There is a couple who has been presented with a possible adoption situation and there is the admission of alcohol use during the pregnancy. It has been interesting and sad to see the comments and suggestions made until today. The comments have been all the way from run to no big deal but this comment pushed me over the edge and I quote: "I don't think 2-3 drinks a week qualifies as FAS. The Mom would have to drink more than that. I know several friends of mine who were pregnant and din't know it who drank socially during the early months and they have beautiful, totally healthy children" Step back jack, there is no safe amount of alcohol use during pregnancy. Zero nada none! I said something to the effect that I have 2 children who carry a life sentence due to their birthmom's drinking. One has physical symptoms the other does not, they both have brain damage. Would I adopt this baby yes. Every child deserves a home. But every parent needs to know their strengths and weaknesses, parenting a child with FAS or any disability is not for the faint of heart. I am not tuting my own horn I just beleive that adoptive parents should be educated and informed in the adoption process and make an informed decision. It saddens me that our society is ignorant in these issues. This is our furture generation wake up America. Here is the link to the web site. www.nofas.org

Now for the rave. I am so excited to have a our new president on board, I will admit he was not my first choice I am a Hillary gal but it was not in my hands, yes I can vote but I do not stand alone, we as a country chose our new leader. I must admit as well that I did not expect to see an African American as president of the US, let alone running against a woman to get the democratic nomination. Now they have put their differences to the side to join forces to lead our nation. I lived in a town when I was younger where it was well known that if you were not "white" you better not be in city limits when the sunset, I did not approve of that as a child and as an adult it not only saddens me but angers me as a human being and woman of God. I can not believe in today's society that those prejudices exsist. What a victory today to have president Obama take the oath of the highest honor. I did not think it would move me as it did, I was very excited but shocked at my movement to tears. I cried during the musical arrangement and I cried during his address to the nation. Very powerful words he had to say. The words captivated me and I thought about how far we have come in my life time then my 2 1/2 year old daughter grabbed my spoon to pull it to her mouth for a bite. Bite for mommy, bite for baby, I looked loving into her big brown eyes, marveled at her full scupltured, lips and her beautifully toned carmel skin tone and I wept. You see not to many years ago it would not have been possible for me to be her mommy as she is part African American. I would not have been considered as an adoptive parent, she would have been placed with and African American family. Praise God for our growth as a people may we continue to grow and stretch as a nation remembering those who have gone before us and the mistakes made so that we may move forward bigger stonger and better befittin of the Lord.
Shalom

BTS

2009-01-19T14:11:00.002-06:00

So the kids go back to school today and for about and hour until B got out of bed I enjoyed the silence. I sat here and just wandered off with my thoughts planning my day and savoring the quiet morning. I got her up and before I could get her dressed she searched the house looking for her brothers and sisters. I have come to the conclusion that neither her nor I like too much silence. I am good for an hour or 2. Without brothers and sisters home I am her playground...lol. We played and laughed and had some good tickle time. She is so fun as se learns more and more about her environment. The word of the day was ball. She worked so hard on saying it and did really well. She is learning interactive play and it is so fun to watch her try to read people. She is now trying to learn what is funny and what isn't.I am obviously very funny to her. She will look at me and make a face or drop something and then throw her head back and laugh. It is so funny to watch her she is mocking my laugh.I am not a morning person. I enjoy my quiet in the evening, with a warm cup of coffee and my laptop or a good movie. It is so much more enjoyable to be able to get up and wander down the hallway and see their sleepy heads. I guess my biorhythm is just not 9-5...lol, but I do enjoy my tickle time with B.

Chaos is not of the LORD

2009-01-18T18:13:00.002-06:00

,School was off last week as we ended up with only 2 days of school and both of those were late starts. Kids need routine and structure all kids do but especially kids with special needs, they do not like change in their schedule. Most adults do not like change. We are creatures of habit and love to sit tight in our little nest. Mix in a few meetings and a doctors appointment and that makes for some distressed kids. Friday was one of those days that just kind of topped it off. We made a trip to the cities for a neuro appointment for B which is no big deal, I enjoy the chance to go to the cities and get some things done, see people I need to see and we usually go to dinner. The neuro was frustrated as we are in the middle of a medication change and it will take time for us to know if this will be the right medication or will we need to try something new. He did say he was pleased with how well she was doing and she has made a lot of progress with her therapy. She is engaging and actually seeks out her siblings to play with. She is doing a lot of imitative play which is huge for a child with Autism. Her OT said last week that a lot of her progress is because she has siblings around. Now tell me large families don't have their strengths. Her speech is what is not progressing as fast. She does communicate and quiet well, but can be loud in public places. We were supposed to meet her birth mom for a visit but she just could not make it happen. This is 2x we have tried to get together in the past month and she has issues getting to our meeting place. It is so very frustrating as she has not seen B in 6 months. I can not help but believe some of her "obstacles" in getting to a visit our internal obstacles. It just seemed that every where we went Friday was filled with agitation and frustration. I made a trip through Wal Mart in record time...lol. I was looking forward to Friday nights service at my sister's church only to have the devil meet us at the door. I can not help but to wander what message was being delivered when the devil meets you at the door of a house of worship. I had to leave the service early as B was being vocal, so I did not get to hear the message but I did get a cd of the service from 2 weeks ago and boy was it good. I will get a copy of the service I missed Friday. Two things I did take away was, NO weapon formed against me shall prosper, and THE DEVIL IS A LIAR! Praise God we have victory in HIM. I am looking forward to a calmer week and wonder what kind of wonderful things the Lord has in store in for us. We need to remember that He can calm the storm and He will see us through it. He is the one in control. These are turbulent times in our society but we as Christians have the peace that only God can give.
Shalom

2009-01-14T19:39:00.001-06:00

-40

2009-01-14T19:27:00.004-06:00

I think that pretty much sums it up. I have now come to the conclusion that this weather is not fit for man nor beast...lol. I would take a picture outside my kitchen window to show you the lovely view from outside but it is iced over. The snow is beaufiful it looks like diamonds glistening in the night. I do beleive we are not in Kansas any more Toto...maybe the artic tundra, or let me break out into Walking in a winter wonderland with iciles hanging from my nose...lol. Ok I think I have offically come out with a case of cabin fever as I am rambling. We have had 2 1/2 days of school this week, 2 hour late start tomorrow and headstart, they say it is too cold I am thinking they have the right idea. I think I will slip back into my dream land it is much warmer there, other things -40 could be my weight loss total this year, the money they took off my electric bill, how much I owe for trying to heat the house, the amount of days I have to wait for a match for an adoptive placement, 40 less kids who wait for an adoptive homes or 40 less adoptive families waiting for kids. Much pleastener thoughts than the windchill. FYI the air temperature is -27.

cold hands, cold feet, warm heart

2009-01-13T13:41:00.001-06:00

Well we woke to -18 this morning and a 2 hour late start to school. B is having fun with the kids being back at school. She usually cries when they go to school but today she seems to be enjoying the quiet. She is playing with her doll and loving on it. She pats her self and says mine. This is a big step for her. Makes my heart soar. Another praise the Lord the neighbor snow blowed my side walk so in all our frozen tundra God reigns as always He melts my heart as always.

Blizzards Blizzards and more Blizzards

2009-01-12T13:12:00.001-06:00

Well we are under another blizzard warning today. It is nice having a sister who is a bus driver so I always know when school is closed. I had a feeling last night that we would have no school. I got a 5 Am wake up call with 3 little ones wandering the hallway....did they know it too...lol. Ok I do believe cabin fever is setting in. They have not slept well all weekend. Along with this new snow we are having plunging temperatures which mean no outside play....Calgon take me away.

Inclimate Weather

2009-01-09T14:17:00.007-06:00

Last night we got another 3-4 inches of snow. It looked something like this,
it was a fluffy snow but had ice crystals in it so I thought we would have a late start, no such luck. This is the first week back after Christmas break, which I totally disagree with, I am all for year round school. Anyway it has been a rough week, kinda like a tornado building on the horizon you can see it coming but can do nothing about it. J told me last night the teacher told him he had 2 days off so he was not going to school when I told him to go to bed. He wrangled around and ended up falling asleep late. A and M decided to have a tea party at 4 AM so they were scurried off back to bed. All this stirred the clouds even more the horizon became darker and darker the winds were building in the house which led to a morning that looked like this...
J refused to get dressed after he finally found his clothes that were laying in front of him, A was just wandering aimlessly and M got dressed all for him to not have school, he has no preschool on Friday. Now imagine J being carried to the car in the above piles of snow, A skating down the side walk and M crying at the window because he could not go. I felt like this all by 8:30. I am not near as eloquent as a fellow blogger she is much better at explaining a child who is dysregulated which is what we have going on this week. There is really nothing I can do but be consistent, follow the plan but most of all PUSH! Here is the link to her blog. From now on I think I will just call these "special" moments-- insert sarcasm-- my Sam's club moments. http://thoughtspreserved.blogspot.com/2009/01/can-i-crochet-in-jail.htm

I have had a few of these moments, Walmart is where we seem to have the most trouble, I think it has something to do with the bright lights, music playing in background, constant scenery changes, close ailses, wall to wall people chattering, pushing and shoving as well as all the different smells. I have noticed that my senses seemed to become heightened in these stores,I can smell cigarette smoke from 10 paces..lol. Someone once explained to me that having autism is like having that dream where you are falling all the time. Things are flying at you constantly and they have little to no way of filtering these things out, I have seen a lot of these behaviors in my kids with FASD they may not have autism but they do have the dysregulation problems. I now carry business cards in my purse and my pocket. I found trying to get them out of my purse took to long when you are holding a raging bull. I also have a sticker on my van that lets people know there is a child with autism inside. I got the sticker after entertaining a parking lot full of people when changing a diaper in the van in the summer. I decided to change the diaper in the van as she can not handle the changing areas in the store and did not want all of Walmart hearing her cry. My son informed me a crowd was gathering so I announced she had autism and I would be happy to explain it to them when I was done, imagine my disappointment when they were all gone when I finished diaper duty. I don't always have time to explain what is going on when I have a child losing it so I just hand out cards or leave them laying, sometimes I have thought about just leaving a trail of cards...lol. Here are the cards I carry

I hope these cards provoke thought or maybe spark an interist to research these thing so maybe next time they see a child spiraling out of control they will show a little more compassion.

layout

2009-01-05T21:47:00.003-06:00

no more layout

2009-01-05T21:36:00.003-06:00

We made it

2009-01-05T20:26:00.002-06:00

Back to school after Christmas break is almost as bad as the first day of school. A this morning was I don't like this outfit, don't touch my hair, I don't want that cereal, my hair is in the way. M was not those clothes, I don't want to go to school, then there was the quiet one J the one I should have know to worry about. They all got new watches last night that were on clearnace at Wal Mart and guess whose did not make it through the day...lol, you got it J. He came home with it in his pocket. Not only did he tear it up in several pieces but lied and said he did it last night while he was sleeping, funny it looked fine this morning. The teacher reports he looked well rested...um he was up past 10...and had a great day, when did he find the time to tear up his watch. Let the games begin.

floater

2009-01-05T19:40:00.001-06:00

Woohoo I made it...........

2009-01-04T22:16:00.002-06:00

Christmas break is over! I was all to ready for it to start but now I am all to ready for it to be over. I have been counting down the days and now hours until school starts. I am not ready for more IEP rounds and the frustrations that come with having children with special needs in school but they need the rountine of school days. My hat is off to home schooling parents. I get the whim everytime I have an IEP meeting or another round with why "Johnny" just doesn't seem to get it or can't sit still, but then I snap back to reality...lol. Today met with much anxiety tears and meltdowns at the thought of going back to school. I know this week will probably be very stressful but once they settle into routine it should be better. Time will tell, I maybe recanting this post by the end of then week.
Blessings!

closing out 08

2008-12-31T23:39:00.000-06:00

Well we have come to that time of our lives where we have reached a milestone, the passing of another year. My sis and I were talking today as we went out to lunch at the pizza joint, how we remembered when 2000 was looming. OMG it was a going to be new century, computers were going to crash, everything was going to shut down, was the end near? Well I also remember when the song by Prince "party like it's 1999" was popular...now I am dating myself but 1999 seemed so very far away. Now we are closing out 2008, doesn't seem that long ago since we welcomed in the year 2000. Since then I have moved to another state, welcomed 4 new children, loved and said my see ya later's and good bye's to over 30 children all whom will hold a special place in my heart, all whom left a little of themselves and took a little of my heart with them. I have said good bye to a marriage that I thought would last a life time, I have ranted, cried. wandered why, questioned and grieved that lost. I have bought a house, saw it go up in flames 3 years ago, watch God rebuild it double fold then said good bye to it again when yet another move brought me to where I am today. I have broken 2 bones in 2 feet, I have felt helpless and at times close to hopelessness, Only by the Grace of God was I spared the hopelessness during some of my darkest times. I have seen the worst and the best of people. I have grown spiritually.

This year has seen us move into our new home. The kids have settled into their new school. My mother who said she would never go North now lives blocks away, My sister has her"It's a Wonderful life" home and is waiting to fill it with children. I am now homestudy ready and anxiously, not patiently...lol, waiting for our new family members. We have had new labels added to the children, such as J and M officially being diagnosed with FASD diagnoses, B was diagnosed with epilepsy. Now these labels have not changed who they are as they are just labels, they are still the gifts that God has entrusted in my care. I have done things I said I would never do such as taking on the school again with IEP battles. I find myself becoming more and more involved in the community and look for opportunities to educate people about these various disorders. I have seen B grow leaps with her autism, then watch her regress with new seizure activity. I have learned to take nothing for granted, not one word, not one step, not one smile. In the daily hustle and bustle it is too easy to get caught up in everything and forget what we are truly blessed with. God gives us each day, He gives us the air we breathe, He gives us the ability to walk to the kitchen and get a drink of water, He blesses us with children's smiles and laughter. He gives us challenges to grow in, Blessings to rejoice in, trials to trust in, and new days and new years to see Joy in.

My challenge and I guess my New Years resolution is, as it just hit me is to look for the Joy in things, even when there seems to be no Joy if it be nothing more than the rise of a new day, to see that Joy. I pray father that you will let the light of each new day shine brightly in my heart and the hearts of my children and family. I pray Father that the light will shine bright and that you will use us to spread that light where we may go. I pray that you will allow others to see beyond the "dis" abilities and see the abilities that you have bestowed on my children. Lord I thank you for taking us safely through 2008 and I pray that you guide us safely through 2009. Lord I pray that you bless all my family, the family that is near and the family that is far. Lord I pray for safety and good health in the new year. Lord I pray for the lost souls, for the children who do not have homes, Lord I pray for the families that wait for new children and for the children that wait for the new families. Lord I pray that you remove the red tape and bring more families together in 2009. Lord I pray for our leaders and that they lead us into a safer and healthier new year. Lord I pray for the unborn, the sick, the weak, the crippled, may they all be lifted to you Father.

May His blessings shower down on all in 2009

Shalom

Sue

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T20:04:00.001-06:00

We had a fairly quiet day here. I pray all were blessed with peace and wonderful memories. We were blessed with all but 2 of the adult kids here today and one sister. I know dad is looking down from heaven. Dinner was great as was the fellowship. Merry Christmas to all and have a blessed New Year!

It Came

2008-12-24T00:01:00.003-06:00

I got my new CD from ThoughtsPreserved! It is wonderful so very relaxing and beautiful. I highly recommend it, it is Holiday Home by the O'Neill Brothers. Thanks Kari! Now back to wrapping presents....aaahhhhhh

Peanut butter meltdown....priceless

2008-12-23T23:56:00.002-06:00

Sunday we did not make it out because I had one down with the stomach fl and the weather was terrible. I thought we would have a quiet day at home in preparation for this weeks hectic schedule. I made a nice breakfast and huge lunch so for dinner I thought peanut butter sandwiches and apple slices sounded good and quick. Well M did not agree, he proceeded to rage and tell me how bad he hated peanut butter...he really loves it. I should really get a video of him tantruming he jumps up and down screaming, crying and flapping his arms. I think sometimes he thinks if he flaps his arms enough he will take flight, I keep reminding him he is not a bird...lol. He finally stomps off down the hallway to his room when I gave him the choice to join us for dinner or have an early bed. He leaves, it gets quiet and he later apologizes, then rages more, then back to room and finally eats. Later in the evening A comes out and says one of the boys had emptied her clothes, I thought she had done it looking for something and just wanted help cleaning. She has a tendency to blame the boys for things like this. I sent her to her room o clean only to have her come out in tears in a few minutes with some ripped up books. Apparently while we were having dinner M was not cooling off but destroying A's room. Needless to say he got his early bedtime. A and J then went to her room and did a great job of cleaning it. I thought long about what to do about the whole situation and believe in natural consequences. At first I was going to let A choose a toy from M's room but she wanted his favorite birthday present, I could not do that, I know softie. So then I had the brilliant idea I would give her a new toy which worked out because she had one more than the boys for Christmas. It was an inexpensive table and chairs set, I gave J and little set of cars for helping. The next morning A and J sat down and had a tea party. he will not like these pictures when he is 16 but for now they are adorable.....peanut butter tantrum....priceless

Blizzard play

2008-12-20T14:52:00.003-06:00

We are under a bizzard warning. We got several inches of new snow last night on top of our already nice blanket. I must say I don't think we have to worry about a white Christmas. The winds are supposed to pick up and it is suppose to get colder. I could not stand it the kids were jumping to go out side, It felt as if I had my own little blizzard going on with all the excitement so they bundle up for so fun and energy release. Here are a few pictures.

Merry CHRISTmas from our house to yours!

2008-12-19T16:03:00.003-06:00

Tooth fairy and IEP's

2008-12-18T23:41:00.002-06:00

Now you may wonder what do these 2 things have in common well let me explain.

1. The both exist somewhere in fantasy land and for the fortune kids in reality, it really depends on who you are talking to and from what perspective.

2. They both have potential to do good or bring tears to someone eyes.

3. We may keep watch and try as we might to understand them and catch them but they both can be unobtainable.

The tooth fairy saga is over. A lost her first tooth this week. She was so upset and cried profusely when she found out it was loose until she found out it met money....lol. So wiggle wiggle that night way past bedtime. She was determined to get it out but no such luck. She finally gave it up and went to bed. She lost her tooth the next day at school but the teacher forgot to send it home so no tooth fairy that night. The next day she brings it home from school carefully wrapped in tissue. Bedtime comes and she takes her tooth to bed and puts it on her night stand. Then she comes out to ask more about the tooth fairy. Now I know everyone probably has their version but this is what I know. The tooth fairy buys lost teeth to continue to build her castle. No tooth no money. Well she then contemplates if it is worth it as she has decided she wants to keep her tooth. For what I have no idea except that she is a pack rat like her mamma. But when she finds out a long distance friend got 20.00 for her first tooth she decides it is worth it. I then had to let her know that the tooth fairy leaves different amounts in different states....this tooth fairy is poor...lol. So back to bed only to make a reappearance this time wanting to know how the tooth fairy gets here. Since Tinkerbelle is a fairly new movie we watched or attempted too I thought I had a great idea. So I asked her if she remembered the movie and told her that the tooth fairy was really really small like tinkerbelle, I asked her if she remembered seeing the movie her answer"in my dreams". So now I move to Peter pan remember tinkerbelle in that movie that is how small she is and she comes in and takes the tooth and leaves but you can't see her because she is so small her answer"oh yes I can, I can see her glow". I give up I guess she was paying attention while watching Peter Pan. Enough of the banter after about an hour of tooth fairy watch she finally fell asleep, but not until she cleared off her night table to give the tooth fairy a landing pad. BTW the tooth fairy left 7.00 which is a lot for our state.

Now on to the IEP saga, first 2 IEP meetings in 1 week should be outlawed especially 7:30 AM meetings. I knew things were not on the right track when I came down with a stomach virus the night before this was my 2nd round in 2 weeks. I almost called to cancel and now wish I had. The first IEP was for J, they closed his IEP the end of last year I contested it then but nothing happened so when this school year began I asked for a reevaluation, it only took them until November to get in gear and start the testing. I arrived at the meeting clinging to my bottle of sprite and walked with the principal to the meeting room. Within 5 minutes of entering the room it became apparent that we were getting no where. They said they believed he had ARND as that was what the doctor said but he is the perfect child at school....lol. It is amazing that every time they reported something prior to the testing and I commented on it, it magically disappeared. His teacher would not even affirm the things she told me in his parent teacher conference, one of those things being she supported the fact that he needed an IEP. They reported no record of bus incidences...hum? So I politely excused myself to return to my couch. They could not wrap their minds around the fact that a child's behavior and pressures at school and home can affect each other. Case in point J fails the hearing screening makes it through school with his plastered on "charming" smile then walks in the door and falls apart sobbing because he can not hear his teacher. I thought I finally convinced him he could, only to have him meltdown again when they retested. No amount of explanation could change that until he saw the doctor. He was a bear on wheels the entire evening after this happened. That there maybe some cause and effect and that these 2 things carry over into each other. Nor the fact that kids with FASD diagnoses are inconsistent. He is very intelligent, that is not an issue, but he does have organic brain damage from the alcohol he was forced to consume while in utero. I signed the form that says I disagree and will go from here. I do not give up easily, this is not my first IEP rodeo. I am not done watching for that tooth fairy.......... maybe that is where A got or stubbornness, oh wait we don't share genetics.

On a positive note M still has his IEP as this was just a yearly update. I must say I do dread when it is time for his 3 year evaluation.

The stress level around her is climbing. Holidays really mess with kids and adults in general. Then if you add in special needs it really has potential for an explosive cocktail. I have no idea where Norman Rockwell got his ideas for his paintings. I am keeping things low key this year in hopes of reducing the stress but it does not seem to matter. They get it from everywhere they go, from school, stores church, every where they turn.

I would just like to stop time for the next few days and travel back in time to that manger where Jesus was born, I wonder if the wise men where stressing over what gifts to bring baby Jesus, or if Mary was worried about getting to the manger in time. I wonder if they worried about getting lost as they followed the North star? Did they worry that the sky was lit with enough stars that night? Were the animals in the manger arguing over which hay pile, or who would get to see baby Jesus first? I think not. I sit here and think about the star lit sky, the calm of the night with maybe the silence broken by Mary's cries of labor pains and then the first cry of baby Jesus. The smell of hay? What a peaceful thought.

We profess to have made so many advances in society and to have learned so much, but I have to wonder as I sit her typing on my laptop if the trade offs are really worth it?

So for now I will listen to the TV in the background, look at the baby monitor to make sure B is not having a seizure and type my thoughts for potentially the world to see and ponder a quieter more simpler time. I will hope for a tantrum free, meltdown free Christmas day, well maybe in my dreams.........

Just a swinging......

2008-12-16T00:05:00.004-06:00

My daughter in her indoor sensory swing. It can be found at this website.
http://www.adaptivechild.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=128
I got it for my daughter with autism but it is great for any child who has problems with self regulating. I have seen a very agitated crying child turn into a limp dish rag. It says it will support 175 ...shucks, I would love to try it out. My 21 year old son has taken a swing in it. I always thought I had to have a support beam but found this and I love it as well as the kids do. It also comes with a regular play ground swing and trapeze bar and will fit any door way up to 36 inches. My kids love to swing high so make sure you have lots of swinging room. There is my commercial for the swing.

After 3 December Birthdays, Thanksgiving, new seizures, new medication trials, and 2 trips to the cities we have been putting it to good use.
Not to mention the testing of J per my request to reactivate his IEP. They can not understand how this may cause stress. They don't see the stress, I wonder if threatening to blow up the school means stress. Let me see if you have a child who comes home from school in tears because he failed the hearing screening, maybe he is stressed. Or you tell him to get his coat and he wanders lost around the kitchen maybe he is stressed? But academically he is fine. He is very smart and he knows very well what he must do to maintain in school but must let it go somewhere, and that somewhere is home where he feels safe. This means severe mood swings, crying jags, punching walls, banging his head and various physical ailments, as well as intruding on everyone Else's space. Since when does a child's education end after school. They can not seem to understand the after school fall out and if we make accommodations in school then he would not be so stressed in all other aspects of his life. His life is not just 8-3.
Then I have A who just lost her first tooth and cried and cried because it was falling out until she found out that met money...lol. She is a very free spirit but has been swinging from the rafters with all the sugar from birthday cakes and the change in routine. My kids do not handle change in routine well. One of the things that they will tell you about our family is the rules never change. They need that consistency, it makes them feel safe, so when we break from the norm, all H..... breaks loose.
Then M is just totally dis regulated because of all the sugar and attention. He has trouble with personal space and boundaries and is very uncomfortable with lots of people around. He literally ran from the room when we sang happy Birthday, now I know I can not sing my way out of a bucket but sheesh....lol.
Lastly is my sweet B who as you know started having seizures on Thanksgiving now, we play the game of medication adjustment, which is not going well. The medications make her either very crabby or sleep alot. It is like playing Russian roulette, trying to find the bullet, only we are looking for the magic bullet that will stop the seizures with minimal side effects.
The good news is I am officially home study ready and anxiously waiting for some new kids to join our family. A asks me often when are the kids coming.
I must be nuts but we won't go there....lol.
I really love my life and am blessed with all the kids God has entrusted me with and wait for His next blessings. I have a great adoption matching specialist who some say is the queen of matching. So now we wait......

And we're off

2008-12-02T23:12:00.002-06:00

December birthdays begin tomorrow. J is first he will be 6 the My great grandma who passed last year is on the 6th she would have been 100 this year, then my dad's on the 7th, he went to be with the Lord in 1993, then M on the 10 he will be 5 then "Nanny" who has her birthday on the 11th. This has a lot of potential for a cake overload especially coming off Thanksgiving and heading into Christmas. J is a hard one to start with as he has ARND and does not do change well nor celebrations, I have learned to scale things down for him to avoid the overload and triggers as much as possible. I used to take his reactions to presents personal, like I don't like this, I don't want this or is that all personally but now I understand that 1. it is one of his coping mechanisms, 2. his lack of reading social cues and being able to express his feelings and his inability to sensor out things that are overwhelming to him, like when we sing happy birthday and he puts his hands over his ears. Here is an example of a one of his responses. Now let me preface this by the fact that we are Christians and my children know that we celebrate Christmas to celebrate Jesus birthday, so add another birthday, But the inner child in me will not let Santa go....lol. Santa is a symbol of childhood innocence, of anticipation, goodwill and that inner need that we have to believe int things we can not see. So anyway back to last Christmas, I thought I would play a trick on J so I found a cute little red bag with a lump of coal in it, It was on top of his stocking. When he took it out I said oh Jay you must have been naughty you got coal. He then proceeded to take his coal around to the whole family and proudly displayed it for all to see, in fact it was his favorite gift...lol. I guess the joke was on me.

This is sizing up to be a busy week, as above birthday bonanza begins. Today I went for 2 root canals got one and a referral to the oral surgeon, now doesn't that sound like fun. Thursday we head to the cities to get another EEG for B then 4 doctors appointments. The neuro is concerned that B's seizures maybe leading up to more intense seizures so we are checking things out and will probably follow that with med changes. Now I don't know how many of you have taken an autistic 2 year old for and EEG but it is much like wrestling a very strong octopus for an hour or so, not something I am looking forward to. Then guess what birthday celebration with dad for J and M. Nothing against dad just more excitement and potential cake which means more potential for rages and meltdowns. Oh the joy of this trip. Did I mention we are ending the trip with a round a flu shots............

IEP update, the testing is taking it's toll on J. He is becoming more labile and overwhelmed. He is now displaying physical symptoms such as headaches, bodyaches, I'm tired to I feel hot. He is more foggy in the morning with his routine. he is usually very punctual as he needs the order but I find him standing in a daze, looking lost. He is having more trouble after school, like bringing home the wrong things and wearing snow boots or gym shoes home which stay at school, and not having a clue why he did it. Crying jags are frequent as well as wanting to just sleep the evening away. Per the school they are almost done. I hope so or they may need to take a break as he is nearing his breaking point.

Here is a picture of J and his coal, enjoy!

Fall 08

2008-11-27T22:22:00.002-06:00

Sheesh..........Warning long overdue update

2008-11-27T21:45:00.002-06:00

WOW I have been gone to long........It has been way to long since I updated. I got another year older, Halloween has came and went and today it Thanksgiving. I am on the mend physically, I have changed my diet to add more protein and that is really helping. The kids are doing well in school. I finally after much effort that I won't go into got them to begin the testing process to "re" evaluate J for his IEP. This is a joke as he has had an IEP since he was 2 months old well not an IEP but and IFSP when he was not school age, then magically last May he was"healed". It does not matter that he has ARND and the brain damage will not go away, it does not matter that he was doing so well was the support services in place, it does not matter that I am his mom and know him very well, they simply do not get it. He should have never been dropped as he qualifies under OHD. They are so far out of the guidelines for special ED that it is not funny. I will wait for them to finish the testing and if they do not get things straightened out then we will appeal and file a complaint with with state department of education as I have been advised. I know God has a plan and this has provided me a good opportunity to educate others of FASD. J is becoming more labile and cries more which is normal as the stress of trying to maintain in school is getting to him. He failed their hearing screening so off to the audiologist we go. A has been doing better in school, I sometimes wonder if she is doing better or they have changed their expectations as they have become more educated with J. The channels of communication are definitely more open with school. M has been real clinging since mom got sick and has been more oppositional and irritable. He will not let me out of his sight and mornings are horrible. It is the I don't want to go to school, followed by not the right pants. shoes. shirt socks etc. Then the I am not going to eat, get my coat on, get my backpack or go out the door. The magically after much ado and he heads to the bus, it is I love you mom see you after school. His teacher reports he has trouble with the shift from preschool to headstart but once he settles in headstart he is fine. Monday and Tuesday was terrible with him he was not his usual self, well grandma volunteered at Headstart and I later found out that he has been having seconds and thirds on canned fruit.....yikes. That explains the after school whirlwind. M is not a happy drunk, he is a slobbering drunk. For those of you who are saying HUH? Drunk? When a child has FASD, M has pFAS their brains have trouble differentiating simple sugars and sees them like it would alcohol in simple terms it triggers so of the same chemical reactions as alcohol does to an adult. I have tried to educate people who are in contact with my kids but they see sweets as cakes, pies etc, well let me see canned pears in heavy syrup_sugar. Today was better but no sweets today. E and M continue to deal with their adult lives and the trials and tribulations that that brings. I try my best to support them and nurture them but let them lead their lives, now that is easier said than done, but I am on a learning curve with adult children. Parenting never ends and it does not get easier with age, especially as a parent of children with different "abilities". They are doing very well tough for children that were never supposed to live independently, which both of them do. That brings me to my sweet B she is settling in from her daycare adventure. I do not think it had anything to do with the daycare but more the fact that she was not ready to separate from mom. There are somethings that we will have to look at when she starts preschool, such as they had no place for her to "stim" on and when she sought out the teachers they did not know how to help her "stim". We have discussed the possible need for a PCA when she starts school. She is working hard with her teachers who come to our home. I have wondered for about a month if she was having seizures and called her neurologist, he said to try to catch one. That is hard when most of her seizures happen at night, I do have her on monitor but I sleep too...lol. Well today I got the evidence she had 2 seizures during Thanksgiving dinner. She likes to keep Thanksgiving interesting last year she quit walking for 1 month prior to Thanksgiving and then took a few steps on Thanksgiving, I think she is an actress in training and just loves the spot light...lol. Her is an excerpt from another post that describes her seizure, these were not like others she has had,

My 2 1/2 year old daughter has epilepsy. She had her first seizure May 23 of this year, I will never forget it lasted almost 10 minutes with us taking a 911 ride to the hospital. She spent the night in the hospital and they saw nothing. The seizures continued on a daily basis and she was finally admitted to an epilepsy unit where she was hooked up to a 24 hour EEG we waited a week for them to "catch" something on the EEG. it was so very frustrating.She has been well controlled but the last 2 weeks I have suspected she was having seizures again but never see them. When I called the Neuro he said to try to catch one, well most of hers happen at night. Today during Thanksgiving dinner she had 2. They are not like any of the others she has had she was walking and looked as if she tripped fell to her face and her arms and legs were jerking uncontrollably, the first one I did not see my sister and mom did, I thought she had just tripped and they were over reacting. The second one she was walking towards me and again appeared to trip I think her left foot dropped and she fell face first to the carpet and both her arms and legs jerked uncontrollably I scooped her up and it was over in about 15 secs. She did loose control of her bowels. I was scared as she has been having seizures since May but none for months and none like this. after those 2 my mind raced to when she is older and how they might affect her. Monday I will call the neuro and get her appointment moved up.

On the good news last Sunday was her dedication. It was beautiful. She was so adorable and the service was such a blessing. It was very well timed as that was the 23rd, 3 years ago on the 24th we had a house fire on Thanksgiving day that destroyed our home. We were displaced for 6 months while we rebuilt. I no longer live in that home, that frame of mind, nor that spiritual stagnation. God has really brought me on a journey since that day. I will never forget it not because of the trauma but because of the "gutting" he did of our family and me. You see God will get your attention and He will drop you to your knees. Some say I am stubborn and I have to agree so sometimes He has to hit me with a 2x4 to get my attention....lol. I will never forget the first time I saw my "home" after the fire, I prayed before I saw the house for Him to get me through it, I had seen our house numerous times on the news but had not seen it in person. Most of the family were out of town for the Holidays and was spared the trauma of the actual fire. I walked through the ashes and looked around and it all felt surreal as if these things were not mine. I finally made it to where the fired had started and began to cry, the person that was with me started to comfort me, I tried to explain to them it was not necessary as my tears where tears of joy, for the Lord was good. Those things were not mine, they were merely "things" and things that he had loaned me. The things I truly valued in my life were safely with their grandma.My children. I was blessed that year to seem the giving and goodness in people, something that I had begun to wonder if it still existed. My church was beyond wonderful for the first time since I was a child I did not know what was under the CHristmas tree, our church showed up on Christmas Eve with a van load of gifts. I cried again, it was not the gifts but the outpouring of love. The greatest gift they gave that year was of themselves, and they gave me the gift of that childhood anticipation, the unknown, the excitement, the curiosity. This is how we come to the Lord as a child, He is our Father, He is in control. He is all knowing, His timing is perfect, He will discipline us, He will guide us, He will never forsake us, His love is unconditional and always there even when we wander away. He is the Alpha and the Omega.

So as I reflect upon this time of year, I have much to be Thankful for I am thankful for all the above, My life is not like Leave it to Beaver, nor a Normal Rockwell painting....it may be close to the Lucy show....lol, but it is my life the one the Lord has given me, the family He has chosen for me, the crosses He has chosen for me to bear and the choices He gives me everyday that He gives me life to walk this earth, and for that I am Thankful.
Grace and Peace

Let it snow let it snow let it snow.......

2008-10-26T12:27:00.003-05:00

I was awaken this morning by a phone call from my mom telling to look out the window. It was SNOWING! The wind is howling they are saying wind gusts up to 40 mph and the snow was swirling. What a beautiful sight. I had told my sister I wanted snow for my birthday which is coming up on Tuesday. When I was a child I used to get snow for my birthday or shortly their after. I guess I am feeling a little nostalgic. Not a lot for me to do as I am spending way to much time on my bottom recovering. The snow was so beautiful so cleansing and pure. It reminds me of what Jesus does for our sins he wipes our away our sins and makes us pure as snow. Do you know Jesus as your savior? If not email me and I will tell you how to find Jesus. Without Jesus we have nothing.He is my savior. I thank God for sending His son to save us from our sins and give us everlasting life. I thank Him for His book of life instructions....the bible. I thank Him for putting me on the path of recovery and for the early birthday present.

I have not chatted much about the kids lately. They are all stressed because mom is ill. When you are a single parent you are their radar, their constant, thank goodness for family support. B is doing well with the changes she continues to grow and develop. She was making some sort of brew last night in a bowl that consisted of tissues and toys stirred by the end of a magic wand that A has. A is doing well mostly a few crying jags and lots of whining but she recovers pretty quickly. She has been a bouncing little bumble bee but that is a norm for her...did I mention I think she is FASD but has not been diagnosed. M has been the most challenging, sometimes I think he might launch form all his jumping and arms flapping are I might from the yelling and screaming no at every little thing like go eat. He has started this new thing of when I tell him I am going to give him a consequence he says DO IT. I now have a growing collection of confiscated toys...lol. J has been very quiet and withdrawn, he gets tearful at the drop of a hat and runs to time out, not because I tell him too. I can see a major explosion coming, he is overloaded. We had to reschedule the IEP because I was ill and now it is moved out until December. They are way out of the time line they have been for awhile. I will attempt to reach my contact at PACER tomorrow, she will have so good ideas. They are making modifications in the classroom already I don;t know what the big deal is. Well I do they don't wan to transport him even though they transport the other 2 and next year it will be 3. I got an email from the principal about the upcoming parent teacher conferences and as usual he was at least a week behind. I have told him I communicate with the teachers. I guess he is not used to hands on parents. The big boys continue to have big boys struggles and make decisions and choices. They are doing a good job but the stress wears on them. It is hard to see your grown children struggle but that is part of life it is not my choice. They have a good foundation in life and have truly beautiful hearts. Life in general is tough now. I am so sick of the news with all the doom and gloom and political slander I just turn it off. We seem to forget that as a society and people we are not in control...God is. We do have the freedom of free thinking and make choices that impact our life and the lives of those around of. Like ripples in a pool we really need to think before we act.....Life is short and our days are numbered, everyday is a gift. Are you making a change today. Did you leave a positive impact on someone today? I pray when I lay my head on my pillow tonight I did one thing good today.......

Sharing some great insight into FASD

2008-10-23T13:39:00.001-05:00

I got this from MOFAS... Kari is the author and has a blog if you haven't drop by you really should, she has great insight and parenting tips.
Thanks Kari!
From A Mother's Heart - The ABCs of Back to School with FASD
By Kari Fletcher, MOFAS

A- Alcohol. My child was exposed to alcohol before birth.
B- Brain. Alcohol use during pregnancy can permanently damage the child's brain.
C- Corpus Callosum. The part of the brain that passes information between the left side (rules) and the right side (impulses). May be damaged or absent with FASD.
D- DSI, Dysfunction of Sensory Integration. My child is sometimes sensitive to florescent lights, tags on clothing, visual over-stimulation, noises, smells, etc...
E- Emotional. My child can be very emotional and often has a low frustration tolerance.
F- Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD), the "umbrella term" for the damage done when alcohol is used during pregnancy.
G- Give my child praise when he does something well or when he tries hard.
H- Hyperactivity. My child might have a hard time sitting for long periods of time.
I- Immaturity. Because of his FASD, my child may often act half his age.
J- Judgment. My child may exhibit poor judgment. This is from the damage to the frontal lobe of his brain and because of this he needs supervision and lots of reminders.
K- Kindness and redirection is far more effective than punishment.
L- Learn. My child CAN learn but he learns differently.
M- Mental retardation. FASD is the #1 cause of mental retardation in North America but most people with FASD have IQs within the normal range.
N- National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (www.nofas.org) - visit their website as well as those of their state affiliates! (www.mofas.org for Minnesota)
O- Other drugs. "Of all the substances of abuse, including heroin, cocaine, and marijuana, alcohol produces by far the most serious neurobehavioral effects in the fetus, resulting in life-long permanent disorders of memory function, impulse control and judgment." (Institute of Medicine 1996 Report to Congress)
P- Parenting. My child's behaviors may appear, to those who do not understand FASD, to be the result of poor parenting. Please be slow to blame and quick to consult me.
Q- Quiet time to regroup. My child has problems with self-regulation and may need a quiet time and space to calm down. Providing this will reduce unwanted behaviors.
R- Repetition. Memory issues are very frustrating for my child, repeat and reteach often.
S- Sleep disorders. My child often has trouble sleeping; please understand if he is tired.
T- Time. Time is an abstract concept and my child does not "feel" it like you and I do.
U- Understanding. Understanding that my child has a disability rather than trying to change something he cannot control will make both his life and yours a lot easier!
V- Visual. Many people with FASD learn best with visual and hands-on type lessons.
W- Willful. Behaviors may appear willful...remind yourself often of the brain damage!
X- X-ample. My child needs examples of good behavior and appropriate role models.
Y- You will make a difference in my child's life. It is my prayer that it is a positive one.
Z- Zero alcohol during pregnancy.

Please help me spread the word that FASD is 100% preventable!

(Permission granted to reproduce provided that the author, Kari Fletcher, is given credit.)

Back from Oz

2008-10-23T11:35:00.003-05:00

Were not in Kansas anymore Toto........ My kids are all going to be characters from the Wizard of Oz this Halloween, not because they asked to but because this is probably the last time I will have a choice. Ali will be 7 next year so I think she will have more I wants then. But that is not what this post is about, I had the unpleasant experience of being in the hospital last week. It seems as if I had a adverse reaction to an injection I got to keep me healthy...lol. The doctors are leaning towards the pneumonia vaccine as the cause. I have felt like I got sucked up in a tornado since the immunization. I think I have finally been spit out and am on the mend. I don't do sick well. I am a stubborn doer, but then aren't all moms. Our job as a mom includes, mom, doctor, teacher,referee,spiritual advisor, chauffeur,housekeeper as well as many more things. I had things to do this week, well this month. Fall is my favorite time of the year and I have spent way to long feeling under the weather. I think God is still trying to teach me the same lessons yet again.
1. I am not in control....He is.
2. His time not mine.
3. Treasure each day for it is a gift. My moms neighbor lost is 43 y/o daughter to cancer while I was in the hospital. She has 2 sons 9 and 10. Please pray for them.
4. Without family and friends we have nothing. Blood does not make family. God does.
5. Let those you love know it.
6. Take nothing for granted....absolutely nothing. The Lord giveth and He takes away.
7. Things that seem important probably aren't.
8. Patience is a virtue.
9.When you give it to the Lord don't take it back.
10. and the top 10 is PUSH...when things seem bad or overwhelming or impossible Pray Until Something Happens.....PUSH
Maybe I will get it this time. I thought I would share these things with you all because God will get your attention one way or the other. I am a faithful servant but I am human and I fall short of the Glory. Praise the Lord for his faithfulness in me. Maybe some else needs to hear these things.

pee pee poo poo and IEP"S

2008-10-14T20:13:00.002-05:00

Well I know these 2 don't go together or do they. I must admit that the mere thought of an IEP meeting can give me diarrhea of the mouth as the kids would say...lol. I got a note home saying that the IEP meeting I requested for the 3rd time is finally happening. I was not asked if it was a time I could attend I was told. I will contact pacer to see if they have a representative available at that time. If not we may have to reschedule. They are already out of there time line. I requested a functional behavioral assessment right after school started then the meeting that they did have which was a child study meeting. Then they asked for documentation then attempted to just dismiss the fact that I had already expressed my disagreement with the IEP closing last spring and have now formally requested reopening it. I am very well aware of my child's rights. For those of you who don't know there is a great agency at www.pacer.org that is a wealth of knowledge for the educational process. Now on to poo poo and pee pee my almost 2 1/2 year old who has autism went pee pee in her potty then poo'd in her diaper. Now I know we are all excited when our kids first learn to pee pee in the potty and we have a long way to go but this is a huge huge milestone for a child who just one year ago was diagnosed profoundly autistic. Three things I attribute this too first and most importantly my Lord and Savior, 2nd early diagnosis and 3rd lots of hard work. She receives speech, OT and ECSE therapy as well as 2 weeks ago mom bit the dust and started her in daycare 2 hours a day 2 days a week. Not to toot my own horn but she has a mom that is not afraid to challenge her nor seize an opportunity to teach her. So tonight we have pee pee, who knows when we will have poo poo and big girl underwear.

A guess

2008-10-14T20:10:00.000-05:00

Well we have another guess, they now think it is a reaction to an injection I got well over 10 days ago. They are treating me with a new medication which I should feel better with in a couple days......If I hear a couple more days one more time I am going to scream. I wonder if that is what it feels like when you tell a child with a neurobiological brain disorder one more minute. M had a rough morning, not these pants not this shirt not these socks kind of morning. After tears and maneing meltdowns he was dressed and ready to head out the door then decided he wasn't going to go. Praise God I did not have to carry him to the bus. I have had to do that before of course he is fine as soon as they pull away. Sheesh as if I wasn't exhausted before all that, I am exhausted writing this...lol. I 'll let you know how I am feeling in a couple days.........

Needing answers fast

2008-10-12T17:45:00.001-05:00

Well I thought I felt better until my feet hit the floor this morning. Everything I do is a chore. I did manage to get the dishes done, the kids had tv dinners for supper and for them it is a treat so no harm done.My mom sent me some beautiful fall pictures which bring tears to my eyes as this is my favorite time of the year. I was going to take the kids for a fall ride this weekend but that didn't happen. Maybe I will be able to get some fun leaf pile pictures next weekend. I need to get into the garage and get the winter things out before snow flies. I am just so angry as I have things to do and no energy. Things I want to do and things I need to do. I need for this to move on. Whatever is attacking my body needs to go on it's way. Headstart has their trip to the pumpkin patch Tuesday and I plan on going if I drag myself. I am seeing the doctor tomorrow and I am armed with questions. I hope he is not planning on a quick visit...lol. Pray for wisdom and guidance and for a fast healing.

Grace and Peace to all

Lions tigers and Bears oh my

2008-10-12T00:02:00.000-05:00

Lions tigers and bears oh my..........Ok so one day I am picking out Halloween costumes for the kids. They are going to be characters from the Wizard of Oz. That is one of my favorite movies. Then I go to the doctor to get the the flu shot and next thing I know I am in the hospital. I am home now but not feeling much better than when I went in. Tell me why in our society if we can not see it, or do a specific test, taste or touch it, it doesn't exist or simply is a figment of our imagination. I am so frustrated because of the way I feel, and was sent home from the hospital because they didn't "find" anything. If I here one more time everything looks normal I am going to scream. It doesn't;t change the way I feel. Thank God for the family support. It is the same battle I am fighting this year with the school, just because we can't see ARND or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome then it does not exist. That is like telling some who has diabetes to go out and have a candy bar we can't see diabetes but we can test for it that is the only difference. Just because there are things in our environment and society that we do not understand, does not make them any less real. There are all kinds of things we don not understand, how do you explain war, or depression emotional and economical to a 3 year old. You don not, you know that it exists and you live as if these things exist and the child believes because we do. Today we are faced with challenges and wars seen and unseen, our job as parents is to provide a safe and nurturing environment for our kids, to pray for them, to advocate for them, to be there to pick up the pieces and give them the tools to succeed. I need the doctors to do these things so I can move forward and quit feeling ill. Meanwhile I pray, I pray for the seen and unseen battles that we fight. And so for tonight I ask for prayers for our family, He knows the needs. I got an unsettling call last week that needs prayer as well. For now I am off to see the wizard.............

Another week goes by

2008-09-29T12:53:00.002-05:00

Pretty much uneventful week in our world. A has some how managed to go from being a yellow or red star to being a green and purple star. I find it really strange that this comes after an email to the teacher explaining our duties as an adult is to understand that her behavior is a form of communication. Then we need to figure out what it is she trying to tell us. The teacher uses a stop sign system every child starts out as a purple super star and then with "bad" behavior they drop down to green yellow then red. Now this is a little confusing to me as green means go...lol. With red the principle it called as well as the parent and with 2 reds they go to the office. This teacher is new...hum wonder what the first clue was. I think it probably is a great system for "normal" kids. Will someone please define normal for me? I had an unxpected visit and call that sent my blood pressure through the roof. You can't go a month without a little excitement. J is only having a few meltdowns, he too seems to be doing better after our little meeting. Which brings me to my delimena what do I do. I truly hope I am wrong I do want my kids held accountable for their actions and want them to learn. I don't want them being pressured to do things they are not capable of. So for now I sit and wait for them to absorb the information I gave them on FASD. Then we will go from there. M is loving preschool and headstart. Little miss is getting into everything and actually said 2 words wanbite....woohoo.

A new blogger

2008-09-29T12:48:00.002-05:00

I got this from a fellow blogger. Her friend is having a give away so I am sharing it with you all. This is such a neat idea. I wish I was talented like this. My girls love to wear dresses. Here is the link stop by and join in.
http://angiesangels.wordpress.com/2008/09/24/my-first-giveaway/#comment-615

The Enemy attacks......

2008-09-23T00:27:00.002-05:00

Being a Christian is not for the faint of heart. I borrowed this from another blog "Do not grow weary while doing good, for in due season you shall reap, if you don't lose heart." Galatians 6:9. I needed this today. This weekend has been full of attacks from the enemy. But I rest in knowing that we have victory in Jesus. That is the peace that we have, when you are a child of God the battle is not ours but His. He has the master plan and already knows the outcome. Our job is to surrender and rest in the peace. Now that is easier said than done, I will not even pretend that I am good at this. It is easy to become frustrated and weak in the flesh when we are hit over and over from many directions. I know many in my circle of friends right now that are facing enemy attacks. One of my dearest friends called today to ask me what was wrong, I paused and asked her how did she know then answered my own question. She listens to the calling. She is a warrior for our Savior. The attacks have been over and over, kids out of balance, unrest, adult issues with adult kids who are not ready to deal with them. Just becasue a child turns 18 does not mean you are finished being a parent. Sometimes I think it is harder because you have little influence. Those days of time outs and lessons and morals are gone by the wayside. Now you can offer advice and words of wisdom but unless your child is over 35 they will probably fall on deaf ears. So today as every day, I sigh, say what needs to be said and pray. Praying for His will and for His protection in the battles of daily life as the enemy attacks I rebuke. I am a child of God and that is a glorious thing.
Grace and Peace to all

Purple and red hats....or green

2008-09-21T23:29:00.003-05:00

There is a famous poem by Jenny Joesph that goes like this

Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph

I just love this poem. It inspires me. My mom and step dad recently painted their house which prompted me to want to give my house a face lift. When I was house hunting there was this ugly gray house with bright blue carpet inside, it was hideious. I could barely bring myself to go in to look at it but the price was right, so was the fact that I had a broken foot and getting around was very difficult. I went in and looked around and saw the charm of the house and the potential it had. Well this week it realized some of it's potential. When they agreed to paint my house I said I was going to paint it purple. I am not quite sure what they thought but I know the looks I received. I moved forward and explored the many options in my purple world. I found these 2 colors which by the way are gentle gem and baroque plum. I am not now nor have I ever been a conformist. Now I know my place in society and can step into professional mode when necessary but that is not my comfort zone. My mouth has gotten me into trouble more than once and will many more times. I believe in standing up for what I believe in. I am most comfortable in my old raggedy dresses that I fondly refer to as my granny gump dresses. No that is not me in the picture it is my mom, the 65 year old painter, but it is my hat. I love that hat. Today my house gives people a glimpse of what lies within, still tasteful, still acceptable to society, but not the white house on the corner, nor the blue or yellow.

I am the mom of special needs kids some by birth some by choice, all through the love of God. I know he has given me the tools to nurture and parent special needs kids. They don't fit in the "box" that society places us in. Neither does our family, we are a one parent family with children from 24 to 2, we cover a few races but one common bond we share is, we are all children of GOD. Sometimes it is very frustrating, sometimes my heart soars with pride, or tears stream down my face as my autistic daughter says mom, or my son who was never supposed to graduate high school walks down the aisle to get his diploma. I get stares as I dash through the store in my granny gump dress, and my daughter with autism screams most of the way through the store, then my heart smiles when I see her running in the field outside with grandma when I walk out of the store. I relish the moment when the cashier gives me that "look" and I seize the moment to tell her my daughter has autism, and she asks questions and listens. Maybe two more people are educated. Life is short and we have no promises of a tomorrow. Our days are numbered and only the good Lord knows that number. I am not advocating for reckless living but sometimes you have to stop and look at things differently, what appears to be the perfect family on the outside with the white house, the white picket fence and 2.2 kids and a dog in the yard, may be trapped in a desolate world of gray.

Just so you know I knew there was a reason I chose my colors of my house other than the fact that I like the colors. Here it is

Gentle: our Father is Gentle with us, he gently guides us down the right path, even when we stray he is guiding.

Gem: We are a gem to Him. Some of us are rougher than others, a diamond starts out as a lump of coal but becomes a rugged looking stone we call a diamond. After more cutting and chisling it sparkles and dazzles our eye. We are all diamonds in the rough and He is gently chisling us into that diamond.

Baroque: from wikipedia, According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word baroque is derived from the Portuguese word "barroco", Spanish "barrueco", or French "baroque", all of which refer to a "rough or imperfect pearl",
in today's language it simply means elegant, need I say more.

Plum: this transformation has left us all plum tired.....lol

and with that
Shalom

I want, I want, I want!

2008-09-20T18:55:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke to the mom I wants. It was just one of those days when the I wants did not stop and it was never enough. Do you ever have one of days? I tried the old mom things with there are starving children, kids with no moms, no warm beds to sleep in....ok I know I sound like my mom, but it just came out. As I was telling them my mind began to wander to all the kids who don't have those things. To all the kids who have no warm bed to lay in, who can't remember when they had their last meal or when their next meal will be. To all the kids who can't remember what their moms face looks like, who shudder in fear of when the next fight will break out or is mommy sleeping or did she die like the man next door from a crack overdose. But most of all it went to the kids who have been"saved" from these things who linger in the social service system. Or to the kids who were returned to the these various situations because time ran out or because while they were in foster care mom or dad did just enough to get the kids home. I say saved by the system because I have to wonder how well the system saves them. Now don't get your fur in a dander I have fostered over 30 children but I have seen the system fail, it is by sheer design I think that the system fails some of these kids. I know some one who has a wonderful huge home and anxiously awaits an adoptive placement, I myself am close to completing my updated homestudy. Now to become a foster/adoptive family you have many hurdles to jump. You open your life and home to much scrutiny. You must complete and FBI criminal background check, you must provide references, endure a social worker coming to your home and asking questions about your life that you never thought you would share with a stranger. They inspect your home to insure that it is safe. Now I am not arguing that this is not necessary but I am sharing with you a small part of the adoption process. The paper work is endless and then there are the classes. SO after all this you are ready really ready for a child. But then the waiting begins. The kids wait and we wait. I don't get it I know the matching process I have adopted 4 kids but they were foster placements they were in my home and we were together while we waited. They knew what tomorrow would hold, they knew I made breakfast, where they would sleep and most of all that they were loved and home. Meanwhile there are about 115,000 kids in limbo.

I have to wander why it takes so long to match if a family is approved for adoption and children wait. Sometimes I think the placement and child services workers look for that ideal family. For that perfect family, well as I know there is only one perfect person and that is Jesus. For we all fall short of the glory...........

Sometimes I think workers think they know what is best for a family, what a family can and can't handle, the let me tell you what you need workers. Or the child services workers that know just what the kids need. Did you bother to talk to the foster parents? Did you ask me? I am a fairly intelligent person, I did graduate college and worked as a professional for many years. You come into my home look at me on paper and think you know my family. Well I live here 24/7 and have some experience and know my limitations. I think most adoptive families do. If we didn't when we started the adoption process then I think we have a pretty good idea by the time we are done with the process. Do you think if all potential parents went through what we did to become parents that there would even be waiting kids? I would like to think not but then that is not even a topic for discussion and not an issue I will venture into. I am thankful for my freedom.

I guess what I am saying is I WANT for there to be less waiting kids. I WANT this woman I spoke of to quit waiting for her kids to come home, they are out there waiting for someone to "match" her and them. I WANT for the last members of our family to join us. I WANT to know that when I lay my head on my pillow tonight to know that there is another child who has found their forever home. I WANT for us as Americans to stand up and take notice to stop talking and running in circles each thinking they have the answer and do something about it. I know in my circle of people at least 50 families who are approved for adoption and wait, not for that perfect blonde haired blue eyed little girl, that everyone things adoptive families look for, but for one of God's children. For a child that He has placed on their heart. For that child whom they will love just as they are. I WANT for these kids and families to be matched. If all these families were matched with 2 kids each that is 100 more kids who know where they will lay their heads tonight, who will wake up tomorrow and have a mommy to say I WANT to.................................

So for today I pray, I pray that barriers be removed that these kids and families be joined, not by the system or workers but by God almighty, for He is in charge! I pray that the kids and families that wait know His love. That their wait be short and the road blocks be removed. I pray that we as a society wake up and that the system has fewer children to "save" because my final I WANT for today is I WANT our society to value human life, our children and the blessing that HE gives us and to treat these gifts with the love and honor that we have been privileged to know, for He has entrusted us with these gifts.....

Shalom

School days, school days, why oh why

2008-09-19T00:58:00.001-05:00

Did I think school starting was going to be a good thing. During the first week of school A made it to the principals office. This year we have a new kindergarten teacher and a new principal. Now A's teacher is the sweetest thing but she is new and that can be a good thing or a bad thing. My jury is out but leaning towards the latter for kids with special needs. Let me just preface this rant by I am not a first time mom I have 2 adult kids with special needs so I have been dealing with schools and advocacy for a long time. My hat is off to home schooling parents, I simply do not have the patience and I admire all who do.

A's teacher sent home her behavioral plan during the fist couple days of school. When I am bored I will share the plan in a idealistic world or book world it is a great plan, and I am sure for some kids it works very well. One of the things is that the kids decided on classroom rules during a guided discussion by the teacher, now we are talking 5 and 6 year olds. Then the behavioral plan is put into play one of the tools is a stop light system, the kids all start each day as a purple superstar and through mis-behavior they work their way down to green, then, yellow, then red where they are sent to principals office. Which A managed in a couple days. Now in order for this to work a couple things have to happen 1 very important thing is a child must be able to understand the concept. This maybe hard for a child who has little if no cause and effect. Who communicates with the world through behavior. Today A came home a superstar here is our conversation

Me: Wow A you are a purple super star WTG!

A: smiles I had fun

Me: A how do you get to be a superstar?

A: have fun

Me: A what do you have to do in the classroom to be a superstar? What things does the teacher want you to do?

A: play, have fun

Me: A don't you have to do your work and listen to your teacher

A: play and have fun and do some fun stuff and some school work..

Me: sigh

This is a typical conversation with A she does not seem to get cause and effect. to A purple superstar= fun and happy. This is what I was trying to explain the system albeit a good system really makes no since to A other than when she is not a purple star she is not happy and having fun,
There is no connection to school work or behaviors just the fact that she is having a bad day when she is not a superstar.

Now how do we expect this to be a successful system? Meanwhile I see a child who has a zest for learning becoming more and more frustrated. She is having tearful meltdowns and refusing to do classroom work. I see regressions at home, sucking fingers, disobeying, crying about little things, telling me I can't, I don't want to go to school, I am lonely no one likes me. This from a very confident, out going self assured little girl who is a very whimsical and pleasant to be around. It breaks my heart and makes momma bear roar

Now on to part 2,

I went to a meeting that "I" called today at 7:30 AM for one that is just not a human hour and 2 I did not call the meeting, I asked for further testing and again asked for J's IEP to be re-opened as I did not agree with it being closed and feel he qualifies under his medical diagnosis of ARND, for more info on FAS please see Kari's blog. I am not going to climb up on that soap box in this post. First of all I walked into a room of about 15 people and was put on the spot to tell them why we were there. I made my attempt at explaining to them about his diagnosis and how it effects his brain and how it might effect him in the classroom. I then found out we were already seeing these things in the classroom, see above rant, same behaviors different child. Sheesh I might would have wanted to know this. I was then asked in my ideal world what did I want? Well let me see, world peace, end poverty, hunger, health care for all, love thy neighbor....wait I digress. I did not say this I paused and bit my tongue as I contemplated my answer ...lol. Now are seriousness my answer was for my son to not have ARND but guess what we don't live in an ideal world..insert sarcasm. I reassured them that they were the professionals and I would ask them what they would have us do to make school a successful experience. I was asked by who I found out was the school psychologist what was ARND and after I explained it they asked for me to sign a release to get the documentation. Not a problem but I will save you the trouble I have a copy of the paper work I am all to happy to get that to you which I dropped off an hour later with a nice little handbook on FAS. I also encouraged them to attend one of Kari's lectures and was surprised to see one of the people actually had the newspaper clipping from our local paper. It was argued that a functional behavioral assessment would be of no value and it was agreed to table the meeting until they review the documentation.

I then was taken over to see the OT room where B will start out of home services tomorrow. We will be doing tandem therapy with speech and OT, I will of course be there to supervise. We will see how this goes. B is so frustrated with her lack of speech even though new words are emerging not fast enough for her. I think the fact that we are adding daycare in 2 hours a day 2 x a week will be a great benefit, it will give her that "normal" {a lousy word} peer interaction.

On my way out I dropped by the principals office to clarify things
1. I did not call the meeting
2. very unprofessional to blind side a parent with a meeting of close to 15 people with the parent not even knowing what the meeting was really for and not even introduce who was in attendance.
3. now expect a parent to explain why we where there...um good question.
4. ideal world???? you have to be kidding
5. my expectations and willingness to work with the school for a successful year for all my kids.

ok now the prinicpal tries to let me know that he has an insight into my world because he knows someone with OCD. I will not even go there. He then asks me if I am asking for a self fulfilling prophecy and did I run home and get the paperwork they ask for 30 minutes ago and how would my kids succeed if they were not challenged. Ok now my blood is boiling Principal apologizes for not introducing people and explaining purpose of the meeting. Thanks. Now what do you mean self fulfilling prophecy statistically my son will end up in jail, an institution or homeless on drugs. I am trying to provide him with the skills and foundation to avoid that. My children are challenged but they have a neurological disorder, they did not ask for it neither did I. Someone chose to drink while they were pregnant and now my children carry a life sentence. I did run home and delivered the papers.

Few hours later I get a call from the school nurse, 2 kids from J's class have gone home with vomiting and even though he has not vomited J is complaining of a stomach and she is convinced he has the stomach virus going around. I am convinced he has found a way to get out of school. As soon as we get home he asks for a snack and to go out and play you have got to laugh about this. I reminded him that when we are sick we need to rest our bodies so we can feel better and tucked him in with a soft blankie. I didn't say he wasn't smart..........

Here is an excerpt from the email I sent to A's teacher

Behavior is a form of communication. I do not like referring to A's frustration and lack of classroom performance as bad behavior. She is communicating with us by her frustration and her acting out. One of our challenges is to see why she is communicating this way, what are the triggers? Is she tired, frustrated, overwhelmed,? Does she understand the assignments, is she bored?
It was brought to my attention today that I may not be communicating effectively. I do not want my kids treated differently, labeled or have them not reach their full potential. It is my job as a parent to rear them up to meet their fullest potential and be successful functioning members of society. For each child that will be different. My kids are challenged and held accountable for their actions and anyone who knows me will attest to that.

Reality is God has blessed me with 4 very special, beautiful kids who have different medical diagnoses, their brains are wired differently and no amount of wishing nor sticking my head in the mud will change this. We can not change their brains functioning or mis-wiring, this was done as their brains were being formed.The school is an integral part of their life and I feel we have to work together to make them as successful as possible.

And another school year begins...............................................................................

My challenge to the principal is invite Kari to present to the school as it will be an eye opener as to the number of kids who are effected by alcohol in your school.

Praise Report

2008-09-17T20:18:00.000-05:00

I spoke to my friend yesterday and and blessed to report that she is doing much better. She feels very blessed and knows that the prayers have brought about this change. She wants me to convey to all the prayer warriors that she has felt your prayers and sends her thanks! God is almighty and powerful. He is the mighty healer. Praise be to Him for all He does.

Prayers

2008-09-11T14:14:00.002-05:00

I will update later about our week but this needs it own post. Today is 911 as we all know. Lots of emotions and feelings today. When the first plane hit the trade center I was with a birthmom and what I thought to be one of the last prenatal visits before our daughter was born. I was blessed to love her for 2 days when the birth family changed there mind. Less than a year later He blessed me with my daughter A who I can not imagine not being her mommy. I was sorting through my emtions this morning when I got a call from one of my bestest friends. We went to nursing school together and have been family ever since. I love her dearly. She is older than I by several years and has had some health issues. She is not doing well. I am asking for prayers for her and for His grace and mercy. I selfishly want her to stay on this earth but know it is His will. My friend knows the Lord and is at peace. Her name is Shirley please keep her in your prayers. God was there 7 years ago at the trade center and he is here now and with my friend Shirley and with all of you. I invite you to take a moment of silence today and look around, how is He touching your life? Don't forget to thank Him, and please remember those who are less fortunate than we are, the sick, the homeless, the childless, those who have no family, no food, those who face disaster lift them to the Lord. God is good and all the time He is good!
Grace and Peace to all of you
Sue

WooHoo!

2008-09-03T17:35:00.002-05:00

I have to share with the world as we finish summer A learned to ride a 2 wheel bicycle. No more training wheels. She has praticed all summer and as a princess has been fearful of falling. She finally did it last night she road all over the yard,t he side walk and even made a turn. Congratulations!

Today while we were having B's IFSP meeting her OT heard her say ut oh. Thank goodness before she came I thought I heard B say no to me. Now this is not the first time I have heard her say words but she is so quiet when she says them that I thought I was hearing things...again no comment...lol. Now I knwo others are hearing what I hear I thought it was wishful thinking. B also laid down her sippy cup! Yea B!

And it begins!

2008-09-03T16:38:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I had 2 school conferences and orientation at head start. This is after preschool orientation and school orientation. why is it every year you have to fill out the same forms and repeat the same information over and over. Yes they are still lactose intolerant, yes they are still not allowed concentrated sweets because their brain can't process it properly because of the FASD. A still has an IEP, I hope you read it this year. I found out at the last minute that even though we have 2vans coming to pickup 2 kids number 3 is not allowed on the bus because his IEP was closed. It may have something to do with the new principal? ya think? J has not stopped having ARND I would not trust him to cross the street unattended let alone walk to school. So I am supposed to put A on the bus get my autistic daughter B out of bed mad dash J to school and get back home to put M on the bus? Now am I nuts, wait don't answer that, some how this makes no since to me. They are here to pick up one kindergarten in a 15 passenger van that is almost empty but can't put the other kindergartner on the same bus. Well as dad would say there is more than one way to skin a cat. I told them at the end of last year I was not pleased about closing J's IEP, and felt his behavioral issues were not being addressed, he does have ARND remember, but I was told we could reopen it at any time. We it is any time. I am contesting the closure of his IEP and have asked for a functional behavioral assessment and will discuss with PACER as well. Yes I did put the request in writing. I did speak with the new principal prior to this and was told he would read the old IEP and bring it up at the team meeting this week. I told him I was in no way comfortable letting J walk to school after this summers trials and tribulations. He assured me he will get back with me, I just added insurance. This is my official welcome to the new principal. I am not a new parent to children with special needs. I have been at this rodeo for more than 20 years. I will take it to the top if I need to. Children have rights to be afforded an education. IEP's are designed to ensure those rights are protected. Children need a voice to advocate for those rights and I am momma hear me roar!

I went to the head start orientation in the evening and listened to outgoing Parent advocate talk about how she was ashamed when she first put her kids in heard start, what? Why would you be ashamed I think this is a socio economic stereotype. Only poor uneducated people send their kids to head start, well my kids have special needs but I as a parent am going to give my children every opportunity possible to help them succeed. She then proceeded to tell me that head start was in danger because of budget constraints and there was a big need for parent advocates. No one raised their hand next thing I new my hand took it upon itself to shoot in the air...lol. We are very fortunate here to have home based and center based head start. Not every community is this lucky. So I have volunteered to advocate and become involved.

So off to school the kids went today. Amazing without a hitch. J will ride his aunts bus until things get fixed. I will try to post pictures later.

We also had B's annual IFSP update and her old OT person came she has not seen her in 6 months as I thought it best with all the changes, like seizures to scale back services. She was very pleased with her progress, for the first time in my life I think she came over to me as she left and shook my hand and said well done, good mothering! I think I could have had one of those blubbering spells that Kari talks about if I wasn't in such a shock. B will be increasing in service as we continue to facilitate her speech and prepare for transition to school based services next year.
Speech will be 2 times a week, she will be going to school once a week for OT and we are trying start daycare 2x a week for a couple hours. She will continue with teacher Pat once a week. As we were wrapping up the meeting some how head start came into conversation and I mentioned my hands volunteer last night and found my mouth volunteering to be a parent rep for the 0-3 program. I do have to learn how to control my body parts...lol.

I thought it would be a quiet day and the morning was quiet in fact I felt a little lost then the doorbell rang, grandma here to trim hedges, ring again time for IFSP, ring phone more questions about other 3 at school and before I knew it 2 o'clock time for my breakfast and ready for kids to get home from school. I did have my morning coffee and I am not a morning person so eating late is not uncommon.

If you made it through this I am impressed, time to process time out with a couple kids and finish preparing supper. I do love fall! :)

It's over.......

2008-09-01T23:02:00.002-05:00

Today is the day we offically say good bye to summer. Even though it was close to 90today there are signs of fall coming. The sap is running and I have turning leaves in my yard. The backpacks are ready and school supplies aare at school. I meet with the teachers tomorrow and then school starts on wednesday. I have a wading pool that has never been out of the box, oh well I am sure we will find something to do with it this winter. They are saying by the end of the week we will be waking up to temps in the 50's with highs in the 70's....Woohoo! Apples are coming off the trees, we went to grandmas house tonight for dinner she grilled ribs and I brought hot dogs for the kids. For desert we had some yummy apple pie from those fresh apples. That is one of the many treats of having mom close again, I do love her fresh apple pies. The kids are excited for that first day of school, the clothes are laid out and the great clothes shuffle has begun. Time to start sorting snow boots and pants, don't laugh we will need them before you know it. so it is with some sadness and much anticipation as I say adios to summer and hello to fresh crsip air and apples!